Alternatives
by AyaTheMidorian
Summary: Humans want to see the world in black and white. They never want to admit that there are gray areas everywhere. The loneliness is what turns them off from it, most likely. I myself was terrified of how I floated away from the streets of right and wrong. I was scared of all the thin gray paths. Meeting him helped me face my fear of all those alternatives.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello all! It's Aya here. This story is something I actually thought up while listening to a particular set of songs. If you want to listen to the playlist yourself, check out my profile for the link. I cannot promise a fast or even regular update schedule for this story, but I tend to write whenever inspiration strikes, and I will try to write as often as possible since school is coming up. Thank you so much and enjoy~.**

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Cue the pop countdowns from every room in the hall.

Summer on campus was a fleeting experience for most people, because they were only just beginning their time at the school. But when you don't have friends or family to talk to or see you off, the fleeting days before classes start drag on like watching ice melt in a lukewarm room. At least, that was the case with me. I wasted away in my dorm room, listening to the A/C blaring alongside the radios of the students who had yet to settle into the despair of freshman year. A sophomore myself, I suffered alone, lacking a roommate ever since I came to St. Lunar University last year. The naked white mattress across from my own bed prodded my heart with a strange type of loneliness.

The door opened, and my world changed instantly.

I couldn't say anything when he came in. He walked smoothly, almost gliding along with his suitcase over the wooden floor. He seemed to bring a breeze with him, somehow both warm and cool, like the wind flitting through a sandy ocean cove. I couldn't place his age, but his small, round stature and the simple t-shirt and jeans he was wearing made him look much younger than he probably was. He put the handle down on his suitcase and let it rest on the floor. Then he sat down on the bed, making it creak slightly. He looked up and smiled at me. His honey-gold eyes smiled with him, and his messy, saffron hair bounced when he tilted his head.

We both sat there, silent. A moment past, and suddenly the boy looked sheepish. He shrugged his backpack off his shoulders and took a notebook and pen from it. He wrote something down and then held it up for me to see.

 _I'm Sanderson. Nice to meet you. What's your name?_

My confusion must have been showing on my face, because Sanderson looked more flustered and wrote something under that.

 _Damaged vocal cords. Never could speak. Sorry._

"You don't need to be sorry for that," I said without thinking. "That's not your fault." The blond boy smiled gratefully. He wrote something down yet again on his notepad.

 _You can call me Sandy if you want._

"Sandy…" I tested the nickname out. It fit him, to be honest. He was bright and cheerful, and the longer I looked at him the more I was reminded of a tranquil beach full of golden sand. I sighed, nodding to myself. Perhaps this could work.

"My name's Kosmotis. You can call me Pitch."

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 **And that's that for this chapter! Now that I look at it, though, this is really short... I don't plan to write such tiny chapters all the time, but it felt like a good place to stop. Well, I'll get it together, promise!**

 **Please review if you have any feedback. I'd love some critiques or advice. Thank you for reading, and I'll try to get the next chapter out ASAP!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again! I think I've got a system in order. Write as much as I can all the time and ration out the chapters for every Wednesday and Saturday. I think that'll work! Yeah! Anyhow, please enjoy the next chapter!**

 **There is some cursing in this chapter, just a warning.**

 **Oh, I forgot to put this in earlier: I do not own Rise of the Guardians or any of its characters. I also do not own any bands/artists mentioned in this fic. If I was the one who wrote a song mentioned in a chapter, I will tell you.**

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It was a rainy Sunday evening. Music was still blasting down the hall, but the A/C couldn't drown it out anymore. I hadn't moved far from my bed the whole day; my life was already settled in a rhythm of rest, snack, read, snack more, read more, fall asleep with my headphones on and a book on my chest. I didn't bother checking my laptop or phone. Until classes started and I met my teachers, I had no-one to talk to, not even family. My 18th birthday was the opposite of most kids' dreams. Instead of packing up and moving out into the real world I supposedly adored, I was forcibly booted off to college without a single hug. Prickly social skills must run in my genes, because I hadn't made a friend yet that didn't drift away or try to use me somehow. Classmates were awkward around me. Girls and guys tried to get in my pants and snubbed me viciously when they failed. Even potential roommates sense my desolation from a summer away and get their arrangements changed. I sometimes wonder if I really was that disagreeable.

I found myself reeling now, on this rainy, lonely evening, because Sandy was still in the room with me. He hadn't left the moment he got settled like I had expected him to. He hadn't forced me into a conversation like a normal teen trying to coexist with me would – then again, I hadn't expected that, what with his condition and all. A part of me wanted to ask, but another part knew that such a question would surely make him leave faster. And that part of me, strangely enough, didn't want him to leave. That part was in luck. Sandy stayed in the room most of the day, only stepping out for twenty minutes to buy dinner from the sandwich shop on campus. He had come back with a toasted chipotle flatbread, a bag of chips and a sweet-looking lemonade drink. He had noticed me watching as he sat down, and he had got that sheepish look on his face again. Then he wrote me another note in his book.

 _Do you mind if I play some music?_

I, quite honestly, was surprised by this, too. He was being so considerate about my own feelings. I hadn't encountered someone like this in… ever, really. I was so caught up in my shock that I forgot to answer him, and he awkwardly started eating before I snapped out of it and nodded to him.

"Sorry, go ahead."

Sandy nodded happily and put his food down. He unzipped his suitcase and pulled out a laptop bag. His was kind of big, not like my personal one. He pulled up something, and the next thing I heard were the electronic beats of a familiar Owl City song.

I really hate it that my mind loves to show itself on my face.

Sandy looked at me and grinned. He got out his paper once again and wrote a note for me.

 _Do you like Owl City?_

"Er, some of the songs," I answered. "I just…well, yeah, some." Welcome back, prickly social skills.

 _Owl City is one of my favorites. I like Coldplay too._ Sandy was unfazed and continued writing happily. _What about you? What are your favorites?_

"Well, I like Coldplay too, and… I like some rock bands. Arctic Monkeys the most, really."

 _Cool. Can you show me some of their songs some time?_

"S-sure," my brain had finally caught up with my mouth, and here I was reeling again. Was this really just a normal conversation?

 _ **What, are you that surprised? That really is pathetic.**_

I stiffened. My heartbeat jumped a couple paces. I prayed I didn't look pale. Sandy tilted his head at me, a tiny smile on his face. Looking down, I blushed when I realized he'd been waiting with another note for me.

 _ **Nice going, spacebrain. Come back to Earth, will you?**_

Ignoring the harsh voice in my head and fast beating in my heart, I looked down at the notebook.

 _Do you like video games?_

"Not that many," I admitted. "I haven't played one in years."

 _Do you like PC games? I have some if you want to play._

 _ **Oh look, he's offering you games. Ain't that cute? Whatcha gonna do, huh?**_

"Um…" the voice I was hearing held no genuine concern. There was a familiar, biting sarcasm behind the words my own brain was saying. My head was beginning to spin. "M-maybe later…I'm going to go get some fresh air."

I left the room before I could see Sandy's response. The hallways were mostly empty, with only a few students chatting or horsing around by the corners and sitting areas. I rushed down the stairs to the ground floor, and then out the door to the back of the building. It was dark out, and the rain had thinned out for the most part. There was a small smoking area on this side of the dorm. A couple guys were puffing away on cigarettes; smoke drifted lazily into the lamplight before fading into the atmosphere. I thought back on the excuse I gave Sandy. Yeah, fresh air indeed.

 _ **Damn, lying to the first person to care about you? You really are pathetic.**_

I kept to the shadows so the guys wouldn't notice me. I sat down on the bench furthest from them. My head was heavy and my lungs burned from the smell I was getting re-acquainted with. Memories seeped into my conscience, memories of skipping class for alleyways and lunch hour for drinks I had no business drinking. The one thing I hadn't ever touched was a cigarette, even though I'd always been close enough to them to breathe in every toxic chemical they put out.

 _ **What's wrong, huh? Don't want one? Don't you want to try it?**_

"Ugh…" I dropped my head into my hands.

 _ **You drank the beers but you're too pussy to try a smoke, eh?**_

 _ **Aw, I'm sure he'll try it soon enough.**_

 _ **He'll try it if he wants to keep hanging with us.**_

 _ **I don't know, he don't look so good. Aw, what's wrong,**_ **Pitch** _ **? You gettin' sick?**_

I knew I needed fresh air now, but I didn't move from the bench. I was frozen there, just a statue again. Just like all those years ago, I lost the will to save myself from that dark, curling smoke.

* * *

 **That's the end of this chapter! Poor Pitch…don't worry, the plot will only thicken from here!**

 **Just a side note, I do not condone using words like "pussy" or other female related things to insult men. I also don't condone using male related things to insult women. I don't like gender-based insults unless the person being insulted has been doing horrible things, so only words like the b- and d- ones. I dunno, just sayin'. I don't even curse out loud, so…**

 ***ahem* Anyway! Thank you for reading, please leave a review if you have any feedback or advice for me~!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi guys. Uuggh so this chapter got a bit rewritten because of a computer crash. Why, Microsoft? Why you no auto-save? Anyhow, I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

 **WARNING: There is bullying in this one.**

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I went back to my room a little before 9 o' clock. I was too tired of the smoke and bad memories. Sandy had the most genuinely concerned expression on his face that I'd ever seen. He'd put his laptop down and turned off his music.

 _Are you okay?_ Read his notebook.

"Fine," I muttered. I pulled open one of the drawers under my bed and took out my night bag. "I'm going to take a shower."

I didn't look to see Sandy's reply before going back into the hall. There was no-one out now, but as I walked toward the bathroom I could hear a couple of laughs echoing off the tiles along with the running water. Taking a deep breath, I wrenched the door open and rushed for the toilets first. Second stop was the sinks, and I brushed my teeth while pointedly ignoring the other guys around me. It wasn't that I was scared. It was frustrating, frustrating and annoying how quiet they'd gotten. Were they sizing me up? Judging my appearance? Have they never seen a tall, skinny, pale man with silver-gold eyes and slicked-back hair? What is it? I'm not the only gothic-looking introvert here. I'm not the only sophomore who can't mingle with his floor mates. I'm not the only one.

I _can't_ be the only one.

Some of the chatter had returned. Some remarks, a laugh. Now I was panicking. Even though it was a simple act on their part, even though they might not have been – I couldn't help but worry that they were talking about me. I wasn't hearing a single word they said, but my mind was filling in blanks without any type of reason. Memory after memory rushed back to me, and they made me shiver with anger, with self-disgust.

I hurriedly found the shower stall furthest away from all the others and pushed the door shut. I set my night bag on the small bench and pulled out a pair of flip-flops. Peeling off my clothes, I realized they smelled a bit of smoke, and I groaned to myself. I stepped into the flip-flops, grabbed soap, shampoo, and a washcloth from my bag, and went past the curtain to the actual shower.

I didn't like the water too hot. That felt too harsh, too biting. I found it perfect when it was just enough to be called warm. It was comforting. I sighed as my shoulders began to relax. Then I got to scrubbing myself down, as if every phantom touch and scent could be washed away with the soap. Then came washing my hair; the most relaxing part, I thought. I could pretend, at least for a while, that I was washing away the memories themselves. I was calm now, not thinking about the students outside or how they laughed amongst themselves. I was getting so relaxed that, without any inhibitions, my mouth opened.

I promptly snapped it shut before any sound dared escape. I'd learned my lesson long ago! I couldn't ever do _that_ again.

I finished rinsing and turned off the water. I toweled off quickly, growing more and more nervous. There were no voices while I put on the boxers and t-shirt I called pajamas. Finally, just before I opened the stall door, I heard a familiar voice that made my blood run cold.

"Aw, I guess he really isn't gonna sing for us."

My heart was in my throat. I couldn't swallow and I couldn't speak. Maybe if I made a run for it the moment I opened the door…? With one shaking hand grasping my night bag and the other on the stall lock, I breathed in and opened the door.

"So the crow came out of his cage," that same voice spoke to me. It sent horrid shivers along my skin, like a slimy bug creeping up my arms. "What's the matter, huh? No songs for us this year?"

I didn't say anything; I was analyzing my surroundings for the fastest way to get out of here and back to my room. Ferin hadn't been in the bathroom when I'd come in, but he was here now and had somehow gotten the other guys laughing at his mocking questions. In spite of myself, I felt my cheeks heating up. The memories came back, one by one, of my agonizing first year and the torture this man had subjected me to. It was every freshman's nightmare; a tall, well-built upperclassman with influence over a large chunk of the school. There were no cliques in college, or at least they say there isn't. But a desire to belong burns in every human. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. People separated themselves into groups and got pitted against each other in the end. Ferin was the leader of a very large pack, and I… I had been alone. Now, in the bathroom on the first night of sophomore year, I was alone again.

At least, I was until the door opened.

Sandy came in carrying his toiletries in one hand and his pajamas on his arm. He smiled when he looked at me, and then looked confusedly around the room when he realized the foreboding atmosphere. Ferin and the other boys noticed him come in, too, and I seized the opportunity. I was back in the hall before anyone noticed I'd slipped past them. I came back to the room and put my things away, and I was under the covers pretending to be asleep when Sandy came back.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little bad. Sandy hadn't done anything intentionally. He'd saved me from whatever drama Ferin had been intending to cause. But I couldn't face him; I felt too mortified. Even though I refused to get up, I didn't want to go to sleep.

Nightmares were a part of my daily life, you see. In all the years I'd spent as a teenager looking for his place in the world, not a single good dream had made its way through my brain. I either had terrible nightmares or didn't dream at all.

* * *

 **That's all I can do for now, guys. I've had camp the past few days, along with driving school, and I'm dead tired. Have a good evening~!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello again! So…it's almost time for school once more. I just hope I'll have enough time to write between the craziness of senior year. But it's a week away yet, so for now please enjoy the next chapter!**

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I woke up at 3:00 a.m., lying on my back and floundering out of an all-too familiar nightmare.

My body was shaking and my pillow was damp with cold sweat and possible tears. I wiped my face with my hand, sighing wearily. It wasn't like I hadn't expected this to happen after dropping off to sleep. The last thing I could remember was hearing Sandy typing on his laptop. The sound was soothing somehow, and I'd fallen asleep. He'd stopped since then, but for some reason I could still see light coming from his bed. I turned all the way over and faced his side of the room. His face was illuminated by a Nintendo game, and he looked content, if not happy, to be playing video games at three in the morning.

"Sandy," I gasped without thinking. A wave of embarrassment crashed over me when he jumped and looked over. He gazed at me with concern, pausing his game and putting it down on the desk beside him. He turned on the desk lamp there and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He was looking at me expectantly, and I assumed that he wanted to know why I looked like a frightened child. I didn't tell him. Instead, I asked my own question.

"You're still awake?"

 _I woke up_. He took a moment to write down and show his response to me. _It happens to me sometimes._

"You mean you just…woke up randomly?" I internally cringed at how blunt my question sounded. Sandy merely nodded and wrote some more words down.

 _My mind gets full and I can't concentrate. So I play games or draw to let off steam._ Sandy gestured to his Nintendo as well as his computer sitting on the desk.

"Oh…" again I cringed at my brain's failure to form more solid sentences.

 _Are you feeling okay?_ Sandy's next message read.

"I'm…fine," for some reason it took a moment to get the words out. "Just fine."

 _Did you have a nightmare?_

"How-" I cut myself off in surprise as Sandy stood up and went over to his computer. He opened it up and started clicking through things. I took the moment to try and gather my bearings. Why do I keep getting myself into these situations? Why was Sandy even worrying about me so much? I watched him curiously, and found myself taking in his outfit; he was wearing pale yellow shorts and a lilac t-shirt with a design on the front. When he turned around I got a better look – it was a cute, stylized creature (assumedly a Pokémon, what with his love of games) that looked a bit like a pink-and-purple anteater, and it was curled up asleep on a cloud. Moving my eyes up, I noticed that Sandy had a small smile on his face, and after a moment the sound of ocean waves came from his laptop.

"What's…that?" Sandy's shoulders gave a little jump and he beamed happily; a laugh. He wrote another message in his notebook.

 _Nature sounds for peaceful sleep. It's gotten me through a lot of nights._ Sandy's grin softened into a more understanding smile. _Wouldn't want to be drowsy in your first class._

"Um…" I scratched my head, willing the words to come out. "Th-thank you."

 _Glad I could help. I hope it works for you,_ Sandy nodded at me, then put his book down, turned off his desk light and climbed back into bed. He cast me a final glance, and looked as if he wanted to say something, but he just smiled again and turned over. I lay down too, staring up at the ceiling and listening to the sound of a quiet beach.

I woke up at 6:30 to my cell phone alarm. I blearily searched for the dismiss button and tapped it, and then sat up to stretch. My nightmares hadn't returned, and thankfully I could barely remember the specifics of the one I had before Sandy had turned on his ocean sounds (which had ended sometime during the night). Speaking of the blond, he was still fast asleep, cuddled up against his pillow. I considered reaching out to wake him, but it was early yet and I still needed to go wash up. I'd do it when I got back from the bathroom.

I hadn't known such a relief as when I entered the bathroom to find it empty. I got myself ready in a flash, changing into a graphic tee and dark skinny jeans, and hurried back to the bedroom. Sandy was still asleep, but his position had changed. He was on his back, his limbs spread-eagled and his head nuzzling into the mattress. I laughed softly. He looked ridiculous. I stalled in front of his bed, watching his round stomach rise and fall with his peaceful breathing. I stood there for a few moments, and it wasn't until I felt warmth in my cheeks that I snapped out of my trance. I backed up, mildly horrified at what I'd been thinking. I shook myself; the most I'd be able to admit was that Sandy was cute. He was cute because he was little and cheerful, like a puppy or something. There was no possible way I found that cuteness attractive.

I didn't have much time to get back on a reasonable track of thinking, because just then Sandy woke up. He yawned, and then looked up at me with half-lidded eyes. It only made me blush harder for being caught staring. I coughed and looked away from him.

"S-sorry," I said. "I didn't remember to ask if y-you had morning or evening classes…"

Sandy stretched his arms and gave me a little wave. I scoffed and turned around.

"I have morning classes, so I'm going to get breakfast."

I felt a tug on my shirt. I turned around in surprise to see Sandy giving me a determined pout. Now that he had my attention, he got his notebook and wrote something down on it.

 _Wait for me._

"Why?" I didn't mean for that single question to sound so surprised. Sandy, like all the other times I'd said something rude or blunt, shrugged it off and wrote me another message.

 _I want to go with you. Can I?_

"You…want to…with me?" I was stammering, quite honestly shaken. Sandy nodded cheerfully and got out of bed. He hurried off to the bathrooms before I could protest, and I found myself waiting until he came back. When he returned, he was wearing a yellow-striped jacket over a t-shirt and jeans. He plucked his phone from the desk along with his room key and notebook. He wrote down another message.

 _Can I have your phone number? It might be a little easier if I can text you rather than writing all these notes._

It was a good idea, I decided. We ended up getting each other's numbers, and Sandy grinned and left the room. A second later he sent me a text.

 _It works! Cmon lets get breakfast (\\(^o^)/)_

 _Whats with the emoji?_ I typed back, for lack of anything better to say in response to Sandy's refusal to stop being cute even for a second.

 _It's cute, right? Cmon now, breakfast! =^w^=_

So he admits it.

I sigh and slip my phone into my pocket before heading out after him.

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 **Alright, there you have it! I really do picture Sandy to be the kind of person who knows full well how cute they are :) and he wanted to help Pitch, isn't that sweet? Next chapter will get further into their personalities, I think. This is all for today though. I've been doing chores and looking at college choices, I'm sleepy~. Goodnight!**

 **P.S.- Smiley points if you know what Pokemon is on Sandy's shirt ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello once again, everyone! Here's another chapter. Only disclaimer here is that the character of Thalia is mine, as well as Ferin. Well, please enjoy!**

St. Lunar University wasn't an enormous school. There were about 6,000 students in this campus, with the dorm-dwellers packed into 10 major buildings, the senior students taking up the apartment-style housing, and anyone with a good enough income staying in the city. The most common majors were related to science and engineering, with social work and visual arts coming in as close seconds. It was normal to see students out and about at all times of day, whether they were relaxing with friends, visiting small-time shops on campus or working on community projects together. The facilities were as grand as a small school could afford to make them. There were few sports besides the most popular ones, with the exception of the swim team. Its existence was most likely due to St. Lunar's proximity to the coast.

The main building of the school had the cafeteria, the school store, and a number of offices and club rooms. Sandy was sticking close to me as we walked through the open lobby, and I avoided any eye contact with the few people lounging inside. We went through the cafeteria doors and were greeted with the smell of coffee and the sizzle of omelets and bacon. Some students were there already, moving through lines and milling about around tables. Sandy smiled at me and went over to the plate rack. I, however, moved over to the coffee machines and poured the steaming black liquid into a Styrofoam cup. Sandy looked surprised that I wasn't getting anything to eat, and he set me with such a fierce glare that my legs moved on their own. I stood with him at the back of the line, and he handed me a smaller plate. At least he wasn't forcing me to get something heavy.

I ended up getting a few red grapes and a bagel spread with jam. Sandy and I sat near the windows, and though I didn't like the influx of light I could tell that my new friend was happy.

Friend…I looked at Sandy across the table. He was chewing on pancakes and taking in every sight, as if he'd never seen them before. The thought occurred to me…I still knew nothing about him, really. He was my roommate, a young man who shared my grade level, and someone who liked video games. What else was there?

"Sandy, what classes do you have?" I asked. Sandy looked back to me and woke up his phone. He tapped something out and turned it around for me to see.

 _I've got Physics and Zoology courses, mostly. Plus some arts_

"Zoology? So you like animals?" I wanted to slap myself for such a painfully obvious question. Sandy nodded happily and typed another message in the phone memo before handing it back.

 _I want to do either veterinary work or marine bio._

And then, the dreaded question came.

 _What about you?_

I froze with the rest of my bagel halfway to my mouth. I set it down and picked up my coffee instead, turning to look out the window as I sipped the bitter drink.

 _ **What, aren't you going to tell him?**_

Panic was beginning to set into my heart again. I put my coffee down and looked at him, only to shiver at his curious, concerned expression.

 _ **Go on, say it. See if he laughs.**_

"I…" my voice caught in my throat. A part of me wanted to duck away, be on my own again. But Sandy was keeping me grounded. Whether he knew it or not, his eyes had rooted me to my seat with a feeling of guilt that I couldn't figure out why I had.

 _ **Looks like you're still a coward.**_

"I'm undecided, okay?!"

I hadn't meant to blurt it out. Immediately, I looked back to the window and fought my embarrassed blush. I didn't want to see if Sandy was looking at me. He didn't tap my arm and my phone didn't buzz. My heart sank.

"Ohmigosh, Sandy?"

The table shook a few seconds after the bubbly voice caught both our attention. I was met with the sight of Sandy being engulfed in a hug from a girl. Something inside me hurt at that. The girl released him, her blonde ponytail swinging. I moved my coffee back.

"Little sand dollar, you didn't tell me you were going here!" the girl smiled. "What are you up to?"

Sandy was smiling contentedly. He picked up his phone and typed out a message for this girl. Another pang at my heart.

 _ **Why are you surprised?**_

The voice in my head again. I cringed and looked away from the scene before me.

 _ **He's got friends. And a pretty girl, no less. What's wrong,**_ **Pitch** _ **? You didn't really try to bring him down to your friendless, antisocial level, did you?**_

 _ **How bold. How**_ **pathetic.**

I hastily excused myself and dumped my half-finished breakfast. I stormed back to the dorm and packed up my work things before rushing to the Liberal Arts building. I was the first student in the English classroom and, after an hour of grammar and essay discussion, the first one to leave. I didn't have another class for an hour and was sulking under a tree behind the LA building when my phone buzzed.

 _Where r u?_

I hesitated. Despite my anxiousness, I typed out a curt response.

 _Behind liberal arts_

My phone didn't buzz again. After a few minutes, Sandy rounded the corner, looking flustered. He stopped a few feet away from me and sent me another text.

 _I'm sorry about breakfast. That was Thalia -_-; She's srry 2 4 interrupting_

"Who's Thalia?" I didn't care that my voice sounded snappish, and that made me feel guilty.

 _Freshman here. On the swim team. We were in the same HS classes._

"I…thought you were a sophomore?" I asked. Sandy suddenly looked embarrassed.

 _Went through this program that mirrored college courses. You get an official diploma for that program along with ur HS one if you pass its exams. Some unis take u as a sophomore then._

"Oh…"

 _And idc that ur undecided. It's okay d(^_^)b_

"I…" I couldn't say anything. I felt too embarrassed.

 _We can talk l8r if u want. I have to get to class so ttyl~ (\\(^3^)/)_

 _Thalia is just a friend btw. It's not like that._

I looked back up at Sandy, but he was already leaving for the higher sciences building. I pocketed my phone and rested my head against the tree.

 _ **What were you really expecting, Pitch?**_

I groaned.

 _ **You can't trust her. Just a friend…for how long?**_

 _ **How long…**_

I met back with Sandy that night. I hadn't felt like looking for him at dinner and hadn't been that hungry anyway, so I'd stayed in the dorm after my final class for the day. Sandy came in at eight, looking apologetic. He went over to his notebook and wrote a message for me.

 _Sorry I'm late._

"It's no problem." I was laying on my bed, eating sour candies and flipping through a book.

 _Do you want to talk?_

"We cleared everything up, didn't we? Thalia's just a friend and you don't care that I can't decide on my major."

 _We don't know much about each other. I want to talk, get to know you. You can get to know me, too. So please?_

I put my book and the candies down. Sandy went over to his bed and sat on it with his legs crossed, looking at me expectantly. He tilted his head like a puppy, obviously pleading. I sighed. This was far too frustrating.

As much as I didn't want to admit it to myself, I couldn't deny such a cute face.

 **There you have it! I put Thalia in there as one of Sandy's doting friends because of William Joyce's picture books that depict him being friends with mermaids. Thalia's on the swim team, see? ;) Thank you for reading, see you next time~!**

 **P.S. - That program exists; it's called the IB Diploma Program. I'm in it myself, and it's college-level hard…but this is my last year of it so I'm ready for my diploma! :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi again! It's time for another chapter. Man, school is coming up fast. Going back on Tuesday, I'm not ready ;_; Not to mention my laptop is out of commission… but I must press on!**

 **Please enjoy the chapter.**

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I didn't know where to start, and therefore suffered through two long minutes of sitting on the floor and awkwardly staring at each other. Sandy was looking at me patiently, and after a while of looking at that face, I finally opened my mouth.

"Kosmotis Pitchiner Black. 19 years old, in college. No major, no friends, no family." I propped up my elbows on my legs and rested my head in my arms. "That's a basic outline."

 _What do you mean by that?_ Sandy wrote. _No friends or family?_

"It means what it sounds like. I have no friends and I have no family. It's…a long story." I looked away. As much as I fought it, those memories kept coming back. And now I was expected to talk about it…

 _If it's painful for you, you don't have to tell me._ Sandy gave me a tiny smile. I shook my head.

"No…it's…it's alright. They're not dead or anything." I sighed bitterly. "They're just…gone."

 _Gone?_

"They…" Dammit. I was over this. I'd told myself I was over this. But sure enough, my voice was shaking. There were no tears, thank god. But I sounded nowhere near as level as I wanted to.

Why wasn't…I over this?

Sandy placed his hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw him looking earnestly at me. He slowly sat back on his knees. I cleared my throat, looking back down at the floor. A moment later, a paragraph made its way into my vision as Sandy pushed his notebook in front of me.

 _Sanderson Mansnoozie, 18 years old, managed to skip freshman year somehow. Wants to be a zoologist, but has interests in paleontology, marine biology, and astrology. A few friends, a mom, a distant aunt that hasn't been seen in several years. Loves video games, snacks, beaches, naps, and the night sky. Experience in child care, also likes planes. Was in JROTC for two years in high school. Wants pilot license._

"Pilot license?" I couldn't help but ask. Sandy nodded, a bigger smile appearing on his face.

 _I love the sky, so flying would be a really great experience, you know?_

"I see. And you were in JROTC in high school?" Sandy nodded.

"Well, it seems we have one thing in common. I was, too." I laughed, but there was little humor in it. "I got discharged, though." Sandy gave me a clearly surprised look, and I laughed again, but this time with considerably more bitterness.

"Yeah. Bad behavior, slipping grades, some backtalk and I was out."

 _Oh? You don't seem like the type._

"Type?"

 _The rebellious,bad-boy type._

"Then what type am I?"

My question hung in the air for a moment. Sandy seemed to be thinking, but he didn't write anything down. I rolled my eyes and looked back at the floor again.

"It was my parents' dream for me." There was no laugh I could spare this time. "Be stellar, be great, grow up and be a hero. But I got caught up, I guess. I got caught up with the villains instead. I turned into the guy no-one wants their kids meeting or hanging around. My parents tried to change that. They tried to fix me…fix me like a dog. Fix me with bribes and arguments that turned into insults and threats. And in the end, I couldn't be a villain or a hero. In the end I was just nothing."

Sandy was silent, so I continued.

"I didn't fit. Too much of a disappointment to both parties, and in the end I was just nothing at all. Not worth anyone's time. No praise and eventually no hatred, either. I wasn't anything to anyone anymore. I used to think that…that I was just floating through my own world of nothing. And you know, eventually, something came back, but it wasn't good for me. I was a freak of human nature. In the eyes of people my age, I'm like some drifter, too loose with my tastes and interests to deserve a home anywhere, and because of that, p-people…"

Sandy was holding out a tissue for me, and when I didn't take it he wiped the tears off my cheeks himself. That finally made me register my situation, and I recoiled from him, mortified. I held my head in my hands, gripping my hair even, but it did nothing to stop the flood of pain surging up from my memory.

"No…"

I felt sick. I felt dizzy. My head, my stomach, my ears. My throat; I was choking up. My body was trembling. I couldn't open my eyes and I was getting lightheaded.

Sandy's hand was stroking my back. I still could barely breathe. I felt his other hand lead one of mine away from my head. He was holding my hand. After a minute, still sick and choked up, I pulled away from him and pulled my bed drawer open. I took out my night bag and stumbled out of the room without a word.

One might think I was too distraught to even notice the few people in the bathroom at that early hour. It was the exact opposite. I felt as if every word, every glance, was at me. That they would turn around at any second and look, look and see me here like this. I knew it wasn't true. I did. But I thought it anyway. I practically bounded into the shower stall and slammed the door shut. I hastily stripped down and put on my shower shoes, and got in before the water temperature evened out. The first cold streaks contrasted the hot tears on my face, and the sudden harsh warmth matched them. I managed to fix the temperature and let out a sigh. I still felt dizzy, but now no-one could see. I breathed in slowly, breathed out slowly. Three seconds in, three seconds out. Closed my eyes. Opened them again. Looked at the water falling from the shower head. Breathed in, breathed out.

I didn't leave the shower until my head stopped spinning. My senses exhausted, I dried off and put on my pajamas before heading back to the room. Sandy was still there, looking worried and apologetic. I don't know what expression my face showed him, but I dropped my bag on the floor and crawled into bed, pulling the covers all the way up.

* * *

 **We're ending on a rather serious note, folks. I don't think this spoils anything, but it's already too important not to mention. Anxiety attacks happen. A lot of times, we aren't ready for them. It's a very real situation. Sandy did his best to help, and that's wonderful, but like Pitch, there will be times when one has to deal with attacks on their own, and one might not always be able to calm themselves down so easily. I recommend webMD for articles on how one can help someone who is going through an attack.**

 **Thank you very much for reading. I'm trying my best to portray the situations here in a real way, so please give me advice when you can.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello again! School's started for me, and I'm already so tired :( But I have enough time to write out this chapter! I hope you enjoy~**

* * *

I had forgotten to plug my phone up to its charger before going to bed. The alarm blared from the desk, and I groggily fumbled for the 'off' button. I opened my eyes to see someone sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed across from mine.

"What're you doing up?"

Sandy looked up at me in alarm. He had a book in his lap and a pencil in his hand, and upon noticing me he clapped the book shut. He stood up and took his notepad from the desk, putting the other book in its place.

 _Good morning._

"Is that a sketchbook?" I asked, still foggy from sleep. Sandy nodded bashfully. I sat up on my elbows and asked: "Can I see it?"

Sandy blushed, and in that moment I froze. It was a somewhat different expression from his normally cute demeanor. It was still adorable in its own way, but…somehow he had lost that childish innocence from before. He hastily scribbled something down and showed it to me.

 _Do you want to get breakfast together again?_

"Oh…I, I guess," I answered without thinking much of the question. My mind was beginning to clear, and I remembered the events of last night with cringe-inducing detail. I looked away from Sandy, and a moment later he was showing me another note.

 _I'm sorry I made you talk about painful things._

"It's not your fault," I muttered, pulling back my covers to get out of bed. "It…happens. It's nothing."

 _That wasn't nothing_ was written on the paper, but Sandy had scratched it out and wrote beneath it: _I'm sorry I couldn't help you._

"Don't be sorry," I said with a little more force than necessary. "It's not your problem."

Sandy looked dejected. I sighed and pulled my night bag from under my bed.

"Give me a while to get ready and then we can go."

We left for the cafeteria and were greeted with a familiar swimmer in the food line. Thalia bounced over and hugged Sandy before turning to me with a slightly apologetic look on her face.

"Hey," she started. "Sorry about yesterday. I just got excited when I saw Sandy for the first time in like, years. Really sorry about that! Forgive me?" she pouted at me, and I felt a twinge of discontent on my nerves. This was a strange brand of cuteness, as if she was intentionally pouring sugar onto he apology. I glanced at Sandy, who was looking between us nervously, clearly wanting us to make up. For a moment I wondered if I should bother with the small plan forming in my head...and then I looked back to Thalia and narrowed my eyes at her.

"Mmm…no."

"H-huh?" she blinked, and Sandy looked dumbfounded. I folded my arms and looked away moodily.

"You don't sound completely sorry, so no, I don't forgive you."

"W-wh-wha?!" Thalia's pout disappeared, replaced with a distraught, puffy frown. "Hold on a minute! I didn't mean to interrupt, honest! C'mon, forgive me already!"

"Tch."

I couldn't stop the sound from escaping me. Sandy looked at me emotionlessly, and I watched as he fought the grin blooming on his face. I sniffed, feigning indignation, and rounded on him with an exaggerated pose.

"Do you find it funny, Sanderson, that I refuse to forgive your friend after she treated me so poorly?" Sandy was laughing silently, looking back and forth between me and the unhappy Thalia.

"What's with that high-and-mighty attitude? I didn't think you'd be so mean!"

Thalia's comment stopped me in my tracks. I unfolded my arms and sighed.

"You're the mean one here. I was just…k…kidding." Never had a word felt so foreign on my tongue. "I forgive you…for now."

"Kidding?" she repeated, and I fought back an eye-roll. "You? Doesn't seem like your thing, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Emo."

"I am NOT emo."

"Goth, then?"

"Don't put stereotypical labels on me. That won't help maintain your forgiveness."

Sandy had stopped laughing, and was now tugging on both of our arms. Looking down at him, I finally internalized that he was easily two heads shorter than me. Thalia was taller than him as well, but not nearly as tall as I was. Sandy looked at both of us sternly. He pulled on our hands and put them both together, making his message clear as day. _No more fighting._

"Alright, alright, the sand dollar wins." Thalia ruffled Sandy's hair, and he pouted jokingly at her.

It was then that we remembered that we were still in line for food. All three of us went to different stations; Sandy to the hot breakfast, Thalia to the fruits, and I to the drinks. A few minutes passed and I felt a tap on my shoulder. Thalia was there when I turned around.

"I know what you were doing."

"What're you talking about?" I asked, stepping away from the beverage canisters and sipping on my coffee. Thalia gave me a little half-smile.

"It's easy to tell with him, isn't it?" She went on, nodding her head to where Sandy was helping his plate. "When he's not happy."

There was no denying it, and I cursed myself for letting her see right through me.

"I dunno what happened, but you managed to turn it around a little." Thalia smirked at me. "That's interesting. You don't seem like the type."

"Don't say that. I really hate that word." I said bitterly. Thalia shrugged.

"Sorry. There's a lot of layers to you, huh? Yeah, I see." She took a bite from the apple in her hand. "Sandy's like that too, but he's more…open about it, I guess. Well," she gave me an overly-animated wink. "Sandy thinks of you as his friend, so I'll do the same. Why don't you two sit with me?"

"Why so?"

"I sort of hyped Sandy up to the girls on the swim team."

"You…are strange," was all I could say. Thalia laughed cheerfully and walked over to Sandy. After only a moment's hesitation, I followed her.

* * *

 **That's a wrap! I'm sorry if the pacing and the events in this one are a little strange, and to be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. My mind's in analysis mode, so I want to hear your ideas: why do you think Pitch made the joke at all, and why did he stop it when he heard Thalia's comment? Your answer can help me determine if I'm making things clear enough. Thank you all so much for reading!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi, everyone! Here's to the first week conquered! (For anyone still in school for the week, hang in there!) I'm posting early because I'll be out of town this weekend. That's also why it's so short. I tried to make it interesting, though, and I hope you enjoy it all the same~**

* * *

Awkwardness. Pure, soul-crushing awkwardness.

I sat there nibbling on a dry piece of toast on the far end of the table. Sandy was being fawned over by Thalia's friends. The girl had made an effort to introduce me, but the others had fixed me with thin, polite smiles and the social "hello, how are you?" before turning their attention to Sandy. He didn't look very uncomfortable, either, with the exception of a few personal questions that made him wince. I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but…

"I can't imagine it! Your whole life?" one girl asked, making Sandy cringe and look away. Thalia lightly shoved her with a stern frown.

"You can't just keep bringing it up! It's not like he IS the disability."

"Jeez, sorry."

"That aside, were you really the manager for the girls' swim team in high school?" another of the girls asked him, and Sandy smiled bashfully.

"No-one like him," Thalia said. "He's super responsible and kind and just-! So cute!" Thalia was hugging Sandy like she'd done yesterday. Now Sandy was looking extremely flustered, and I was feeling more than a little unwanted. Before I could decide to get up and leave, however, one of the girls, a doe-eyed brunette, turned to speak to me.

"So, um…are you a junior?"

"Sophomore," I replied automatically. The girl gave a little sound of acknowledgement and looked away again. I sighed and sipped my coffee.

"Um…you're in the painting class, right? I saw you yesterday."

"Mr. Hildebrand? Yes. Wait, you're in there?" I put my cup down and looked at the girl quizzically. She fidgeted under my gaze, but nodded.

"Yes. I was working near the windows where it's lighter, but I saw you painting in the back, n-near the cupboards…" she took a bite out of a small muffin, and ate it politely before speaking again. "Um, I…I saw your art last year, too, when they put it up…it was nice…"

"Um, thanks," I had no other reply to the sudden compliment. The girl stared at me for a moment before going back to her muffin, and the awkwardness returned.

I ended up leaving for class before everyone else. I had time in the art studio again, and I could work on the painting that the doe-eyed girl – I had forgotten to ask her name – had praised. It wasn't much, I thought, just a watercolor of a Shetland pony grazing in a foggy meadow. About halfway through the period, I got a text from Sandy.

 _Can u come meet me the library?  
It's important_

I replied back that I could make it after the period was over, and all he replied was:

 _Okay_

No punctuation, no cute emoticons, just a single word. I felt uneasy, as if something was incredibly off balance with what I thought I knew.

 _ **You expect he's found his true place. A place without you, right?**_

I cringed.

 _ **He has other friends. You saw. He wants to be with them and not you.**_

 _ **He's leaving you, see? Even his message was disinterested. What a fool you are,**_ **Pitch.**

I shoved my phone into my pocket, beginning to feel ill. I looked back to my painting and for some reason it wasn't as simple as before. The meadow I had painted seemed so hopelessly lonely, with just the single pony eating the light green grass amidst the white fog. I felt a stormy pang of jealousy in my heart and wondered if I should have felt so hurt.

I put away my things a little before the end of the class and slipped out the moment we were dismissed. There were several students milling about, going to and from classes or passing the time between lessons. The library was near the main building, and though it wasn't enormous one certainly couldn't miss it. I went in and texted Sandy again.

 _Where are you?_

 _Back of language section near the armchairs_

I headed up the stairs to the reference section of the library. No-one looked up at me from their books and laptops, which I was grateful for. As he'd said, Sandy was slumping in an armchair at the back of the reference section, near the language books. I sat down in a chair close to him, fixing him with an apprehensive gaze. He looked at me in nearly the same way before pulling his notepad out of his bag and writing something down to hand to me.

 _I'm sorry about this morning._

"Sandy, believe me when I tell you that nothing is your fault," I said. "You have nothing to apologize for."

 _I wanted us to be friends. What kind of friend am I, to just disregard you like that?_

"Sandy." I shook my head. "I'm telling you, I'm not upset."

 _ **Yeah, not upset, just sad and lonely and confused and desperate for your attention.**_

My face gave me away. Sandy frowned sadly at me before writing something else.

 _This is kind of frustrating._

"What is?"

 _How much I want to see you happy._

"Sandy…?"

 _I thought I'd decided a long time ago not to let anyone affect me like this. But here I am._ He smiled wearily at me. This was a look so mournful and aged that I felt like I was seeing a different person in the chair next to me. Sandy looked away from me then, fidgeting with his pen hovering above the paper.

If there was one thing I was good at sensing, it was when people were afraid. There was an acute aura of fear and worry coming from Sandy, and it both alarmed and intrigued me to whatever he was hoping to say. Finally, he wrote a question in clear, deliberate script:

 _If you don't mind me asking, what's your orientation, Pitch?_

"Orientation…y-you mean, like…!" I gulped at the realization of what Sandy was leading into. He fixed me with another smile.

"Sandy…are you saying you like me?"

* * *

 **Ka-boom! What do you think? Was that nice and suspenseful? I'm sorry if there are any errors, as I'm very tired and posting this early because I need to get to bed and will be out of town tomorrow. Please review if you have any new input. Thank you all~!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Aya's back in town! I hope you enjoy this chapter, and please let me know if the story seems to be moving too fast or too slow. Every chapter is a learning experience~! WARNING: A little cursing in this chapter.**

* * *

Oh, he was _definitely_ scared now.

Sandy was keeping a relatively straight face; at most there was a hint of nervousness behind his tiny smile. His hands were tightening around his notepad as if he were trying to keep them from shaking. I could feel myself blushing at his question, one that only a few people had ever asked me. It had never been in such a polite manner, though, and it had never ended well for me. But now…perhaps now…

"I'm…" I took a deep breath. "Well, um, I'm gay, actually…"

 _I'm bi._ I could see a little bit of relief in Sandy's face. His smile dropped away and he looked at me seriously. _It took…a long time and a lot of trouble to figure that out._

"Yeah?"

 _Yeah. A LOT of trouble._

"...Did you ever come out to anyone? Besides me?" I paused, contemplating how to word my thoughts. "I mean…what do you mean by trouble? N-not that you have to tell me. I just…ugh…"

Sandy gave a tiny sympathetic smile while I chastised myself for my awkward mouth.

"N-never mind it. Um…was that what you were saying? Th-that you like me?"

A pause, and then a hesitant nod.

My heart jumped, and I felt a tingling wave of mixed emotion. There was a sense of excitement, a little bit of relief…and an overwhelming flush of worry.

 _ **No, no, no. This isn't happening.**_

 _Sandy won't be like that,_ I told myself. I looked him over again; he was staring at me with a steadily deflating smile. I bit my lip.

"I…"

 _ **You know what happens after this part. Are you really going to put yourself through that again?**_

 _It won't be like that!_

 _ **How do you know?**_

 _Because it's him…_

 _ **Who is he? What do you really know about him? Not a thing.**_

 _ **You don't know what he's capable of.**_

 _ **You don't know what he could DO to you. Are you putting on a big-enough front to take that risk? You're just going to get yourself hurt again.**_

Sandy had looked away from me, disappointment shining in his eyes. I searched my mind desperately for something, anything to say. My heart began to pound as I watched his eyes mist up.

 _No, no, no! Do something, DO SOMETHING!_

Panicking, I pulled Sandy against my chest and kissed him full on the mouth.

 _NOT THAT YOU IDIOT WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!_

"I-I'm sorry!" I gasped, pulling away from him. Sandy's eyes had gone wide, the tears gone completely. I coughed and continued to apologize. "Sorry, sorry…I-I panicked, I didn't want you to get the wrong idea, b-because I don't…I don't NOT l-like…oh damn it all…" I groaned, trying harder and harder to push back the guilt and dread pushing up into my heart.

 _ **You really screw up everything. What the hell was that? You're so pitiful.**_

 _I was just trying to comfort him! He was about to cry!_

 _ **You know you're going to get hurt again. You know you are. You can't run away from that.**_

 _ **You can't run away from me.**_

"Sandy," I took a deep breath. "What I mean to say is, I l-like you too. But," I added quickly as Sandy's face brightened. "I don't…I don't know about a relationship…I just…it's been a while, but I still…" I was cut off by a little chime. Sandy glanced down at his phone and looked apologetically back at me.

 _Do you want to talk about it tonight?_ Sandy wrote. I nodded, and he smiled gently at me.

 _Then let's do that. I'll meet you in the room after my class. 7:30._

"Okay."

 _Is it alright if I kiss you on the cheek? I really want to right now._ Sandy was blushing again at this admission, and I did the same before nodding. He pressed his lips softly to my cheek for just a moment, and then he stood up with his bag and notebook. I watched him walk off, and once he was out of sight I slumped deep into the armchair.

 _ **You are digging yourself into a right hole,**_ **Pitch** _ **.**_

 _Fuck off._

 _ **You know what this will lead to. Hasn't it always?**_

 _I hate you._

 _ **I know it. But you can't let go of me. You can't admit to yourself that I'm right.**_

I could feel a lump forming in my throat, tears pressing against my eyes.

 _ **You can't admit how much you still need me, can you? You can't let go.**_

 _ **Poor little crow can't fly anymore.**_

 _ **Once a raven, now a crow. What's the difference?**_

 _ **Ravens are beautiful and mysterious, intelligent and elegant.**_

 _ **Crows are their harsh and ugly counterpart. Vulgar scavengers doomed to pick at trash because no-one bothers to feed them. Mangy, filthy rats with wings. That's you. No-one really likes you. No-one wants to be with you.**_

 _ **You still feel it.**_

I wrapped my arms around my shaking frame and held back a sob. Even in my head I could hear his voice as clear and cutting as broken glass. Broken glass I'd flown myself into.

"What's the matter, little crow? Out of your cage again, I see."

The broken glass cuts deep. I looked up with pained reluctance and saw a black t-shirt stretched over a muscular chest. I looked further up and saw a condescending, hateful smile beneath a perfect nose and light brown eyes; a chiseled face topped with a stylish quiff of dark brown hair.

"Are you gonna sing for me this time?" When I didn't answer, he leaned down to face me. "What's the matter, did you lose your voice? Or maybe you're trying to be like your new lovebird?"

"Maybe I'm trying to keep my blood pressure low," I said in as level a voice I could muster. I was still shaking, my eyes still wet with tears, but beneath the pain and worry there was now a seething hatred that I could never feel for anyone but Ferin. To my displeasure, he grinned at me.

"Aww, you're worried about your health all of a sudden? So we're going to hang out even less this year? Still no smokes, but no drinks either, huh…"

"Will you shut up and leave me alone?" I snapped. Ferin laughed; it was a horrid sound, like the drum of one's head against a railing. And I was the one falling all over again, into that dark spiral of fear and dread for things to come.

"You think you've found someone to feed you, hm?" Ferin stood up straight and started walking away. "Don't worry, he'll leave soon enough."

"No-one likes a crow, after all."

He was gone, and I was alone. Tears finally began leaking from my eyes, and I wiped at them stubbornly. I picked up my bag and marched out of the library, all the way to the art building. I had free time, with no other classes scheduled for today, but the art studio was open to students all day for work on projects. I went into the studio, seeing only two other students there, and hastily set up a blank white easel.

* * *

 **That's all for today! Man, school's still a bit of a mess and we're getting more homework. It's tiring…but I like writing so this at least doesn't feel much like work! Thank you for reading, and please leave your thoughts in a review.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Back again, and early as well because I must go out of town. Senior year is so expensive, and I'm also looking for a job, so time might get spread thin for writing, but I'll do my very best! Please enjoy this next chapter.**

* * *

I worked the afternoon away. Other students came and went as I could see out the corner of my eye. My hand moved tirelessly in gentle lines as I outlined my subject, visualizing it in my mind through the tears in my eyes. Then, with the edges done, I picked up my brush. I reached for oil paint instead of the gentle watercolors. A thick brush glided against rough canvas, and even though my mind was no longer in the studio I could see every detail. It felt like I only breathed when I paused to change to another color.

By the time evening had come, my painting was almost completely finished. I stepped away from it to obtain a final color and thinner brush when I heard a crash on the other side of the room. I jerked my head sharply to look. The sight that awaited me was unexpected, to say the least.

The same doe-eyed girl from breakfast was stumbling to her feet, hastily picking up fallen easels and canvases. She noticed me watching and blushed furiously, stopping all her motion to finally stand up straight.

"I-I'm sorry!" she cried. "Sorry, I tripped, sorry…"

"It's…no problem," I wiped my cheek. The girl stepped away from the art supplies, still floundering with apologies. "I never caught your name, now that I think about it."

"O-oh, me? My name's…" she seemed to shrink in on herself, but answered shyly: "Emily."

"Emily, hm?" I tilted my head. It wasn't an extravagant name, but it was fitting. Emily tucked a strand of hair behind her head.

"Your painting…it's nice."

"Nice?" I looked to my easel and finally took in my work for what it was.

It was dark in scheme and mood. I'd formed a junkyard of dark green bags and silvery trash against rusty orange fence and stormy gray sky. On the right side of the frame sat a large black cat with sharp yellow eyes and fangs bared in a cunning grin. Beneath its paw was a small blackbird with red-stained feathers.

"It's really…sad, in a way," Emily continued. "And fanciful. I feel so bad for the poor little crow…"

"Thanks…" I shrugged. Emily looked up at me and made her mouth into a little "o". When I raised a brow at her, she donned a tiny smile.

"You've got a smudge of paint on your face," she touched her cheek. I did the same and felt a streak on my skin. I put my brush down and went over to the sinks.

"Um, I'm sorry if I'm being rude, but…are you feeling alright? You can talk about anything that's troubling you."

I stopped cleaning my face and looked over at her. Her gentle green eyes were steadily trained on me. We looked at each other, an air of suspicion settling over the room.

"…Everything's fine," I said. I glanced at the clock on the wall, and then did a startled double-take. "Shoot, I've got to go!"

I rushed to clean up all of my supplies. I pushed my easel to the far corner where it could dry in peace. It was fifteen past seven when I left the art building. I speed-walked my way to the dorms, avoiding as many other people as possible, and arrived at our room only slightly out of breath. Sandy was already there, once again drawing in his sketchbook. He looked up when I came in and smiled at me.

"Hey," was my awkward greeting. Sandy's smile widened and he traded the sketchbook for his notepad.

 _How was your day?_

So he starts with small talk. I could tell he was nervous despite his calm expression. I sat down on the bed, next to him this time.

"It was fine. I didn't do much. You?"

 _Biology lessons, nothing much._ He paused before writing more. _So do you want to talk it out now?_

"Right…Sandy, I…I do like you. Well, I…okay, honestly, I think I do. I mean, we've only known each other for a few days! But I feel like…I don't know…"

 _Do you feel like it would be too fast?_

"Well…I've never…I-I guess so."

 _Do you think it wouldn't work?_

"That's not what I mean."

 _ **That's exactly what you mean.**_

"No, that's…Sandy," I sighed wearily. Sandy's eyes were boring into my conscience.

"It's not you."

 _ **Playing this card now, are you?**_

"It's because I…" I swallowed, failing to get rid of the lump in my throat.

 _ **Because of what,**_ **Pitch** _ **? Because you can't keep me out of your mind? Because you can't bring yourself to let go of**_ **me** _ **?**_

 _Is there someone you're already seeing?_

"No, it's not that…" I sniffed. "It's because I…I…"

I saw Sandy's brow furrow in alarm. Great, now he thought I was going to break down again. Though honestly I could feel my heart pounding with frustration, tears pressing against my eyes.

 _It's okay._

I wiped my eyes to see the message more clearly. Sandy nodded at me and wrote more down. I could hear him sniffling and it hurt to listen to.

 _We don't have to be anything. It's troubling you. We can just forget about it._

"Oh, don't cry, Sandy," I begged, watching him rub at his eyes and trying not to let me see. "I'm…damn…dammit, I'm sorry!"

 _I just really hadn't expected to feel like this again,_ he wrote. _Sorry, you don't need to know all that._

 _ **Don't you dare.**_

For once, that mocking voice in my head was silenced by my own resolve. I took Sandy's pen hand and held it in my own.

"You listened to me, Sandy," I said. "And you…you didn't leave, so…I won't leave either. If you don't want to talk about it then don't, but if you want to get it off your chest…please tell me."

* * *

 **That's all I can produce today, sorry guys! But we're getting into the nitty-gritty of the backstory. This fic isn't nowhere near done, though! Hooray for ten chapters! Thanks for reading~**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey everybody! Ready for a feels trip? Hope you are, 'cause here we go~!**

* * *

 _You really want to hear?_

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it," I replied. "I just…I mean, you listened to me. I'll listen to you, if you want to tell me. You don't have to, of course."

 _Remember when I said I hadn't expected anyone to make me feel like this again?_ Sandy tossed his hair with a bitter smile. _It's because I spent the last couple years living for myself, no-one else. I had friends, and I even had a boyfriend…but he expected so much from me._

"How much is so much?"

 _Relationships are a give and take. Of course you have to put out as much care as you're getting. It just sometimes felt like I was the one putting out the most. And in the end I gave until I gave up, you know? Just forgot about it, went on my own. I still helped people out and I still had people to talk to and call my friends, but as far as close relations I just gave up._

I read the paragraph over and over. Sandy waited for a moment, and then gently took the book back to write some more.

 _Pitch, I really want to see you happy. When I met you, honestly, I found you interesting. I know it seems very quick, but I just really feel like I care about you._

"I don't know…how much I could give you, Sandy." I sighed. "I've had enough of relationships myself."

 _So this is doomed to failure?_ Sandy was frowning hopelessly. _It's so strange. I don't want it to be, even though I keep telling myself that's all over._

"Well…" I bit my lip in thought. It really was complicated to think about.

Sandy was confessing to me so earnestly. The more I mulled over his words, the more uncertain I became. What did I have to give him? I had told the truth; my relationships had only ever ended in pain. Here he was, a victim of the same harsh treatment, willing to trust me with himself in spite of that pain. Did he really like me that much? Did he really believe in me? Did he believe in someone like me?

His hand touched my cheek. I hadn't realized how close I was to crying. Sandy was so earnest, and with the way he was looking at me now, worried but hopeful still, baleful brown eyes shimmering beneath his lashes, admittedly longing for something he didn't trust…I just…wanted…

I blinked slowly. His lips were warm, smooth against my own. I pulled him closer, impulsive and selfish, fighting back tears even though a couple managed to spill down my cheeks. Sandy was beginning to cry too, and we were both so uncertain and confused and worried. We parted from each other and sat back, wiping our faces of bitter tears. I couldn't decide if I wanted to sob or laugh at the madness I was getting myself into, and the horrible voice rang within my head even as I asked Sandy to kiss me again.

 _ **He's going to ruin you.**_

I woke up early on Wednesday morning. The sun was barely lighting the room, but I could see Sandy cuddling against his pillow across the room.

We had ultimately decided that we would try. Just try, without making anything official. We'd try our best to be what we wanted, to be what we wanted of each other. The only problem was, I had no idea how to do this. I didn't know what Sandy wanted of me, or what I had to give still. I realized that I hadn't bothered to ask that question last night, being too caught up in emotion to really give it that much thought. Sandy had seemed the same way when he suggested we just "try". We'd act like a couple and see where that led us.

 _ **You're a right fool,**_ **Pitch.**

Perhaps I was. Maybe I was making a horrible mistake that would hurt me worse than the first time. Maybe it would be exactly the same, or maybe I would be on the other end and cause Sandy a repeat of whatever had happened to him. Neither of us had gone into too much detail.

Perhaps, if this worked, we would share everything someday?

 _ **Don't get ahead of yourself, you hopeless romantic.**_

Whatever contentment I'd found dissipated.

 _ **You know what this will lead to. Don't kid yourself; you know. And it's going to break you.**_

 _ **Then I wonder who you'll come crying back to?**_

I took a deep breath; in and out. I looked out the window; a bird flitted past and landed in a nearby tree. I breathed in, listened to its chirp, breathed out.

Sandy shifted, and then sat up. He looked sleepily around the room and then at me, smiling gently. He waved. I waved back. My breathing returned to normal slowly, and no tears came to my eyes.

We got dressed and went to breakfast.

* * *

 **Super short and sweet today. School's getting hectic even with the three-day weekends…on the other hand, I got more driving practice, hooray! Thank you for reading and please review~**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello once again! Here's another chapter for you lovely readers~ I hope you enjoy! Warning, there's quite a bit of cursing in this chapter. Also, you can see I've added the drama tag to this story because things are getting cra~zy!**

* * *

We found Emily sitting alone in the cafeteria. It seemed the other girls of the swim team hadn't arrived yet, and as a result Emily seemed lost on what to do with herself. I felt a twinge of pity for the girl, but it masked a rush of bitterness in my heart. To think I knew someone who could be so dependent on others. She looked so hopeless, sitting alone.

It hurt to remember.

Sandy and I went over to greet her, and she smiled with relief at seeing familiar faces. We went to the breakfast line together.

"We have class again today, Pitch," Emily said. Her voice was soft and hard to hear, even with the lack of busy chatter so early in the morning. "Are you going to sit in the same spot?"

"Probably. Why do you ask?"

"O-oh," Emily suddenly looked nervous. "I wanted to know if it would…be okay to sit…near you?" she picked out two different muffins and scooped fruit salad onto her plate. "I mean, I don't really know anyone else in the class so…"

"Sit where you want. I'm not stopping you," I said. Outwardly I was calm, but inside I was reeling yet again. This girl had known me for all of three days. Why did she want to be so near me all of a sudden? Did she like my art that much?

Thalia came in just before we sat down. She spotted us quickly, and rushed over to give Emily and Sandy a hug before getting in line herself.

Once again, I only had coffee and whatever continental grain had been set out. Today was a bagel, completely plain. I chewed at its edge and watched Emily attempt to converse with Sandy, whose face showed endless patience with the girl's stammering. As cutesy and endearing it was to watch, I once again felt that pang of jealousy, that loneliness.

 _ **What a shallow cause for envy.**_

 _ **You're a damn conceit,**_ **Pitch.**

 _ **Why should they have to include you? Isn't their decision to sit by you enough? Don't push your luck; you might end up**_ **all alone again.**

I tossed my bagel onto my plate and rubbed at my eyes. Of all the times…

"Pitch, you okay?" I heard Thalia ask me. She was back with her plate and was staring curiously at me. I looked away and nodded. "You sure?" She sat down next to me. I stood up and rushed in the direction of the bathrooms.

"Pitch, wait!"

I locked myself away in the farthest stall possible. Tears fell from my eyes despite my furious swipes at them. Why did it have to happen so fast? Now I was feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to breathe; in and out, looking around for anything to help. But it was so small a space, and unlike the shower there was no relaxing warmth or sound. I coughed into my hand.

 _ **You're so pathetic.**_

I coughed harder and went into a fit, hacking and fighting down the little bit of breakfast I'd eaten.

 _ **Pathetic.**_

I failed against my own body and felt bile rise in my throat. I sank to my knees in front of the bowl.

"Pathetic."

I shakily stood to my feet, wiping my mouth with toilet tissue. The stall door was still locked, but I could see the dark brown boots on the floor through the gap. I could feel the dark and cunning presence on the other side of the door.

"Not every day a crow gets sick from his own trash."

I didn't want to come out. I wanted to stay inside that stall until Ferin left or maybe, thanks to my mortification, until everyone from breakfast forgot anything ever happened. But I couldn't stay forever. Ferin was no stranger to skipping class, and I wouldn't put it above him to skip it just to torture me. There was nothing to be done. Flushing away the remnants of my breakfast, I tried to rid my face of all tears and put on the sourest expression I could muster.

Ferin smirked at me, looking me over like some sort of merchandise. I scowled fiercely, angry tears threatening the back of my eyes. Ferin just went on smiling. He stepped toward me and I stepped back. He slowly circled around, and I ended up caught in his little dance. I was backed up to the far wall. Ferin's hand found my arm.

"Why don't you sing, make yourself feel better? You've got good pipes for a mangy little crow."

"Fuck off," I snapped, trying to jerk my hand away. My wrists were too scrawny, however, to properly break free, and so Ferin pulled me against him. I made a choked sound of disgust; he smelled like cigarette smoke.

"What happened?" he asked. "Why aren't you hangin' out with me anymore, huh? Why are you hanging out with that blondie and his airheaded mermaids?"

"It's none of your business who I hang out with," I pulled harder, cursing the crack in my voice. "Because I will NEVER hang out with you again!"

"But why not?" Ferin pouted, a horrendously saturated and infantile expression.

Nothing at all like Sandy's.

"Are you too busy with a new man? Damn, that's cold, Pitch," he spat my name with a gleeful smile. "My love not good enough for ya?"

"You don't know shit about love," I pulled back with all my might, finally wrenching my arm free only to bang it against the wall. I winced, and Ferin laughed.

"Yeah? Then what do you know? What does a junkyard bird know about love? Can you tell me, Pitch? I'd _**love**_ to know." Ferin laughed merrily. I grimaced and side-stepped around him, trying for the exit on the other side of the bathroom.

"Your little lark hasn't even come after you yet," Ferin continued, stepping toward me again. "That doesn't seem very nice. Are you sure he cares about you?"

"Ferin, it's none of your goddamn BUSINESS!" I shouted. Ferin laughed uproariously. I turned and rushed out of the bathroom.

The moment I left I could feel eyes. Stares, all directed at the weird guy running from the bathroom trying not to cry. I rushed all the way back to the dorms, fighting sobs as every head seemed to turn toward me. I slammed the bedroom door shut and fell onto my bed. I hated crying loudly, but it was all I could do to keep myself from choking on hiccups caught between gasps of air.

I hated it so much, when everyone looked at me.

Even though that was something I had always wanted, I hated it.

 _ **You damn conceit.**_

* * *

 **That's all for today! I'm sorry for all the sadness, but we've got some interesting developments between Ferin and Pitch! Just who is this guy, talking like this…?! Thank you so much for reading; please leave your thoughts in a review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello again, everyone! Here comes another chapter! Um, there's a bit of implied "stuff" here, so…yeah. Nothing to push past the T rating, though!**

* * *

 _His hands were cold._

 _Goosebumps rose on my bare arms. He held them tightly, too tightly. There would be bruises again. Not that he cared._

 _He hurt to feel._

 _But if he didn't care about my arms, he wouldn't care about any other part of me. He pressed each sensitive place until my body gave in, and then had his own fill._

 _Cigarette smoke curled around the bedposts._

 _I didn't want to go back like this, but I sure as hell didn't want to stay here. I wrapped myself in smoky blankets and tried to decide what to do._

 _Speckled burns on my shoulders._

 _Inebriated, my head spins and I try to forget. But he's still there. His fingers graze over my throat. He begs me to sing to him again._

 _Tears as I can't help but let the notes fall from my lips. He's touching me again._

I woke up with a tiny jolt. Tears were slipping past my ears and into my hair. I was looking into gold and quickly realized that my head was in Sandy's lap. I sat up quickly; my eyesight wavered and I put my hand to my head. Sandy grabbed my other hand and looked at me with such a baleful expression I felt more tears rise up.

He hesitantly reached for his notepad and wrote down a two-word question.

 _What happened?_

"I…sorry," I sniffed. "It was nothing…really, nothing…"

 _That's not true. I know something is wrong._

"Just a nightmare," I rubbed at my eyes. "A nightmare, no real problem."

 _It's almost noon and you ran off at 7:45. Why'd you run out? I was worried about you._

"You don't have to-!"

I was cut off by what I supposed would be Sandy's version of a frustrated scream. He pulled me closer to him and glared fiercely into my eyes. There was no talking my way out of this, I could tell. He let go after a few seconds and wrote something down again.

 _I went looking for you until I had to go to class. Please don't lie to me and push me away. I want to HELP YOU._

"You were looking? For me?" this was the first time I'd seen Sandy so frustrated. He wrote again without hesitating.

 _I care about you, remember?_

 _ **Does he really?**_

I failed to swallow the stubborn lump in my throat. Sandy caught my teary expression and reached up to my face. I didn't protest, so he pulled me down slightly. His big brown eyes were shining, his lower lip stuck out in a tiny pout. I felt so horrible; he was getting so hurt and frustrated because of me.

What was I supposed to do?

 _I know that's not enough though. Right?_

What?

 _But I want to help you, if you'll let me. Please?_

I was silent. But I let him bring my face down again, and this time, I helped close the distance between our lips.

Sandy went to his next class of the day, as did I. I sat in the very back as I always did, and though I tried to take my notes, my mind was elsewhere, still muddled from the day's events.

Evening came and I got a text from Sandy. When I opened it, I found the same cute, endearing charm that had been in his earliest messages to me, and it put a smile on my face for a moment.

 _Lets eat dinner 2gether I'm the sandwich shop! (\\(^o^)/)_

I quickly tapped out an agreement and walked down the campus' main promenade. Aside from the entrance to the main building, the library was here, along with the sandwich shop and a small café. I went into the shop and was hit with the scent of fresh breads. Sandy was leaning against the wall. He smiled brightly when I came in. I walked over to him and we got in line together.

It was an interesting exchange with the cashier. I knew Sandy had been here before so perhaps it wasn't as awkward as it could've been, but the worker still hesitated a moment when Sandy made a hand motion for the order number he wanted. I gave him my order as well, and a few minutes later we were on our way back to the dorm.

The sun was beginning to set. A late summer breeze swept over my face. I looked over at Sandy. His eyes were focused straight ahead. I looked back to the path before us, struggling for anything to say, but I didn't speak until we got to our room. I sank onto my bed, not feeling very hungry at all. Sandy put his food down and went for his notepad.

 _Pitch, can you show me that band you were talking about?_

"Hm? You mean…Arctic Monkeys?"

 _Yeah. Can we play music while we eat?_

"Well…sure, I guess."

Sandy led me to his computer. He'd pulled up YouTube, and I thought a moment before picking a song. It filled the room quickly, a distinct guitar melody with a steady drum beat.

 _Have you got color in your cheeks?  
Do you ever get that fear that you can't shift  
The type that sticks around like summat in your teeth?  
Are there some aces up your sleeve?  
Have you no idea that you're in deep?  
I dreamt about you nearly every night this week  
How many secrets can you keep?_

I sat back down, opening my soda and taking a sip. Sandy was tilting his head slightly, listening to the lyrics and gazing steadily at me. I felt myself blush.

' _Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow  
And I play it on repeat  
Until I fall asleep  
Spilling drinks on my settee_

 _Do I wanna know  
If this feeling flows both ways?  
Sad to see you go  
Was sort of hoping that you'd stay  
Baby we both know  
That nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day_

 _Crawling back to you_

 _Ever thought of calling when you've had a few?  
'Cause I always do  
Maybe I'm too  
Busy being lost to fall for somebody new  
Now I've thought it through_

 _Crawling back to you_

Sandy seemed to like the song. He was visibly relaxed, munching lazily at his food and lounging on his bed. I sighed, finally opening my bag to eat.

* * *

 **It is finished for today! This is NOT my song, nor are those the full lyrics to the song. But, we may see more lyrics in the future. In the meantime, please leave your thoughts in a review while I go and vanquish the horrible tiny spider I just saw in my room!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey everybody! Though this chapter is incredibly short (more like an intermission; so sorry, I don't have much time to write currently!) and is sort of just Pitch's thoughts, I hope I made it interesting! Are you ready? Let's go!**

* * *

I woke up from a dreamless sleep. I looked around the room lit by early sunlight. The sound of ocean waves was coming from Sandy's laptop, while Sandy himself dozed peacefully on his bed. I smiled.

I felt just fine.

We hadn't done much the previous evening outside of homework and listening to music together. It was a tentative rest from the flurry of emotions we'd been dealing with. Sometime during the night, the realization had struck me: we had only known each other for a few days, and somehow we were as comfortable as two good friends – and on top of that, we were DATING. Actually calling it what it was. My mind had reeled and Sandy had given me a concerned smile. I couldn't help but wave him off.

It was surreal, almost, feeling him worry about me like that. It was such a contrast to what I was used to. I had always expected a static cycle of coming and going, of people leaving my life as quickly as they came. A part of me was still waiting for the cycle to continue. It had only been half a week, after all. Who was to say this wouldn't work out? It was so irrational and so irresponsible to believe otherwise. But I couldn't help it. Sandy, he was just so amazing. So different. He acted one way and then another; I was sure I'd already seen at least three different sides of him and goodness knows how many more there were. But in the midst of all these layers I couldn't help but wonder…

Who was Sandy really? I hardly knew anything about him at all. To be fair, he knew just as little about me. We were little more than strangers, victims of similar circumstances. No, I couldn't even call them similar. We had never told each other our full stories. They could be different than what we thought entirely.

I turned my gaze to the pale white ceiling.

What would happen as the days passed by? How could this possibly last? That voice…that voice in my head knew. It knew I was making a huge mistake and it didn't fail to tell me so.

But I didn't care.

Sandy…went against what I knew about people. Or what I thought I knew. As bad of an idea as it was, I wanted to learn more about him. I wanted us to go on together. I wanted more of this care, this attention.

I'm so selfish.

But as Sandy's eyes fluttered open and he smiled at me I wondered if that was such a bad thing.

* * *

 **There, that's the end of intermission! Again, I'm so sorry about this tiny little thing. I'm preoccupied with a lot of things in school right now. But rest assured I will continue writing for the love of Pitch and Sandy! The story ain't done yet, plus there are some other fics I want to get ready for posting! Please leave a review of your thoughts and I'll see you next time!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello again everybody! Fifteen chapters already, woo! Though something tells me the story is going to be moving just a bit faster, but not too much. Here we go, then! ALSO: I don't own the books referenced in this chapter.**

* * *

I scratched my head and leaned back in my desk chair. My eyes were tired and my brain was beginning to ache. The essay open on my laptop was still only at 480 words while I needed 600 for an ideal grade. I puffed my cheeks out with a sigh and switched to the research tab I had open.

 _Synopsis of White Noise by Don Delillo_

I had been fond of the book over the summer, at first thinking I'd read it out of necessity. It did have a meaning, I could tell, the result of the postmodern jargon and satire of American culture. There wasn't much else in terms of amusement, but that was fine for me. Still, I was having a difficult time expanding my thoughts thoroughly enough in my analysis essay.

Sandy came in the room with two sodas and a bag of snacks.

It was Friday evening, thank heaven. The rest of the week had passed by without too much incident. Sandy had been excitedly gearing up for some time to play his games. As he came in and sat down in front of his own laptop, I asked him:

"Sandy, what do you think of a quote like this: 'All plots tend to move deathward.'"

Sandy frowned slightly before blinking in recognition. He wrote his question on his notepad.

 _Is that from White Noise?_

"So you've read it." he nodded at me. "Well, what do you think?"

 _I think Jack has a point, but it's not true for every case._

"Naturally there's an exception to every rule."

 _Many plots do end up in death, I guess. People feel like once they set something in motion, they'll lose control of it. That's why people stall._

"And when they try to control it, they ruin it and ruin themselves…" I looked up at Sandy again; he'd put his notepad down and was opening a bag of candies. He picked a green one and held it out. I stared at him. He waved it closer, looking through his eyelashes at me. I sighed and opened my mouth.

I didn't like candy usually, but this one wasn't sweet at all. I drew back as sourness flooded my taste buds, and I must have had a wonderful expression on my face because Sandy's shoulders jumped with laughter. I frowned and grabbed another green candy from the bag, pushing it into Sandy's mouth. He puffed out his cheeks in protest at the taste. I fought back a laugh but failed miserably.

Sandy kissed me. A flood of sourness hit us both, but after a moment we could taste the underlying sweetness of the hard candy. We stayed that way for a while, then finally separated to finish off the candy. Sandy began loading a game on his PC. He reached into one of his drawers and pulled out a cord – a game controller.

"You can use that with your computer?"

Sandy nodded at me and plugged it into a USB port. He was smiling happily, and I couldn't help but find it endearing how cheerful he was. He ate another piece of candy and opened one of his sodas. He pushed the other one toward me.

"Thanks…"

"Sandy, what are you doing tomorrow?"

It was night, shades drawn and hallways clear. Sandy and I were in bed but awake, doing nothing yet unable to sleep. I turned over so that I could see him; he was looking back at me, thinking about my question. Eventually he shook his head. _Nothing_.

"Do you want to go into town?"

My eyes had always been well-suited to the dark, so I could see the surprise in Sandy's face. I huffed.

"Yeah, I know. I don't seem the sort to be out and about on the weekends, right?"

Sandy frowned sadly, shaking his head. I sighed, knowing he hadn't meant any harm.

"It's just…if you wanted to do something, and I just figured…you know? W-whatever. Forget I said anything." I turned over.

A warm hand turned me back. Sandy looked down at me with those big, brown eyes and I felt bad again, because now I'd made him feel bad. I shrugged.

"We can talk about it in the morning."

* * *

 **Ugh, these chapters are still too short for my liking. But it's late, and I have school stuff to do :( It wasn't too boring, was it? I'm SO SORRY if a chapter gets boring! Please let me know what you think of the story. I want to improve on anything I can; to be honest I was beginning to struggle with ideas for what happens next…but anyhow, thank you so much for reading!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi everyone! Here we are again, with another chapter of dear Pitch and Sandy~ Hope you like it! Here we go!**

* * *

The shuttle bus into the city was a short, five-minute ride. Several people were heading out already, so Sandy and I had to stand while it drove, but all that meant was that he was incredibly close to me as the bus swayed through curves and over bumps. I fought to keep a blush off my face every time he happened to push against me.

When we had woken up (which had been quite early as we'd gotten used to our school schedule) we'd talked our options over. I felt bad about freaking out on his surprise, and Sandy had seemed like he had wanted to go, so we decided to plan for a day out in the city around St. Lunar University. I watched him peer attentively through the bus's windows, taking in all the details he could see as we passed by a growing number of buildings.

"Sandy," a thought occurred to me suddenly. "Have you ever really been into this area before?"

Sandy shook his head no. I bit down a smirk at his wide eyes and thoroughly impressed expression.

We got off the shuttle at a stop between an art shop and a clothing store. It was still early morning, and many businesses were just opening, but at least it wasn't very crowded yet. Sandy marveled at the landscape around him, and I realized that I had never asked where he was from initially. A small town, perhaps?

As I grew lost in my thoughts, Sandy began to walk toward the art shop. He tugged on my arm.

"You want to go here first?"

A firm nod was his answer. We went in.

It seemed more like an antique shop in the front of the store. Vintage sculptures and paintings were collected in the windows. An elderly man sat reading a magazine at the checkout desk. Journals and postcards rested on metal racks around him. He didn't spare us a glance when we came in. Sandy was already gravitating to the back of the store, where there were shelves upon shelves of paints, pencils, and sketchbooks. He picked up a container and showed it to me, grinning joyfully.

"Sand art…?"

He nodded enthusiastically. I bit back another laugh. Why did he have to be so cute all the time? I felt like he was doing it on purpose, knowing full well what kind of effect he had on me.

"Well, it looks interesting, I suppose."

Sandy began to look at several other kits and books, and I moved on to the books and journals. I was pushing through several sketchbooks when I found one with a peculiar cover, decorated with music notes and treble clefs. Slowly, I pulled it from its stack and opened it.

A songbook.

Blank composition paper in the front, lined paper in the back. I stared blankly at it, feeling strangely warm and cold at the same time. My throat tightened and I fought tears back from my eyes.

Sandy's hand touched my wrist. I looked up sharply, snapped the book shut and pushed it back where I had found it.

"Sorry. Did you find what you wanted?"

Sandy nodded, albeit hesitantly. He fixed me with a concerned gaze. I sighed.

"I'm fine. Ready to go?"

The man at the counter checked us out cordially, but just as we were about to leave, he called to us:

"Either of you boys looking for some part-time work?"

"Part time?" I turned around. The man had put down his magazine and was shining his half-moon glasses on a small cloth.

"I've been meaning to do some rearranging upstairs, expanding the merchandise options here. But these old bones've been a might rickety lately. If it's not too much trouble, would either of you be willing to help?"

"Er…well, we could think about it. We're from the University, so…"

"It could only be on a couple of weekends," the man continued. He put his glasses back on and gazed at us expectantly.

I had only been trying to be polite by offering to consider it. But now this frail-looking old man wanted an answer and I could see Sandy frowning with concern for him. I sighed.

"Would it be next weekend or after?"

"Next weekend is plenty of time. You'll really do it?"

Something was just so sad about an old man sounding so hesitantly hopeful.

* * *

 **That's all I have for today, everyone. I'm sorry it's so late, there was a lot to do today! I hope you enjoy this chapter and anticipate all that's to come! Now it's bedtime for me. It's raining out, so here's to a peaceful sleep~**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi guys! It's almost that time of year~ Gosh I love October. But right now it's time for more of our lovely couple's day out! Enjoy~**

* * *

"Well, it certainly looks interesting."

Sandy tugged on my sleeve, looking up at me with pleading eyes. I sighed. I'd been doing that a lot today.

"If you want to."

We headed into the arcade at corner of the street. It was a big, cutout place with two floors and deep purple coloring. Stepping into it was like stepping straight into a movie or the fading memories of my childhood. I had grown up in a big city full of entertainment venues, from concert halls to pizza parlors. I was no stranger to the neon flashes of the old gaming house. Sandy, however, looked all but reverent. He was just standing there, open-mouthed, gazing around without blinking.

"Interesting. You've never been in an arcade before?"

Sandy closed his mouth, swallowed almost nervously, and tapped something into his phone.

 _Not like this_

"I see. Perhaps you've seen the boardwalk, pizza-place variety?"

Sandy nodded and ambled over to the closest booth. I watched as a smile grew on his face, so slowly and gleefully that it was almost frightening. I shook my head in amusement.

Sandy was back beside me in a second. He tugged excitedly on my sleeve again, and before I could respond he was leading me further into the arcade. We passed rows of games and a few people playing them, all the way to the back where a collection of larger consoles rested. I found my eyes being drawn to one with two plastic guns attached by a cord. Sandy flashed a smile at me and picked one up. Oh, the things I get roped into.

I hadn't played one of these in ages. My skills were rusty to say the least, and Sandy quickly began racking up points against me, blowing up monster after monster. It was surprising to see such a cute and gentle soul so bent on demolishing enemies. A small, strange mixture of annoyance and excitement rose in me, and I found myself focusing harder on the scenario on the screen, moving my character quickly and deliberately, striking as many enemies as possible and trying to take less damage myself. The level wasn't that long, and a few minutes later it was over, with only a couple hundred points between our scores. Sandy turned and grinned at me, putting the gun down to give me a hug. I froze for a moment, lost in the innocent gesture, but my mind stuttered to life again when Sandy stole a quick kiss.

 _You're really good! I didn't know u could play so well (\\(^o^)/)_ he typed into his phone. I shrugged, rubbing the back of my head. Sandy put his phone back in his pocket and gave a small yawn.

"Are you tired? Do you want to go back soon?" Sandy shook his head but yawned again, this time rubbing his eye.

"You are tired. We can go back now."

Sandy shook his head furiously. He pulled his phone back and, suppressing yet another yawn, he typed out another message:

 _Let's at least get lunch together first! You saw that café at the other side of the street right? Please?_

"What's gotten into you?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Sandy pouted at me. After a long moment without an answer, I caved to him once again. He hugged me gratefully and all but dragged me out of the arcade.

We went into the café and were greeted with soft music and the warm smell of coffee and cakes. A young woman was wiping down the counter; she looked up and greeted us cheerfully. She paused in the middle of it, looking at us curiously for a moment before grinning.

"Oh my gosh, it is you two!"

"Pardon?" I looked at Sandy, but he seemed considerably less confused. The woman put away her cloth and stepped into the open.

"Sanderson and…Pitch, right? Thalia's friends?"

I watched Sandy give the woman a happy wave. Not wanting to make the situation too awkward, I did the same.

"I'm Brielle, on the swim team," she started. "I was sitting with you guys on the day Thalia introduced us to you."

"Oh…nice to see you again." I hoped my voice didn't sound as awkward as I thought it did. Brielle merely smiled and nodded.

"You guys havin' a fun day? What can I get ya?"

Sandy went up to the counter, looking through the glass at all the cake and pastries. While he marveled at the selection, Brielle sidled up to me.

"So, this a date or what?"

"W-what?!" I jumped away from her in shock. Brielle giggled and winked impishly.

"He was hanging on your arm when you walked in. Don't tell me you didn't notice?"

"I…I…" My face was burning, but Brielle only seemed to relish my embarrassment. She nudged my arm with her elbow.

"Wait till Thalia hears about this~!"

"What? D-don't tell her that!" I protested. Out the corner of my eye I could see Sandy look up bemusedly. I lowered my voice and repeated what I'd said. Brielle laughed again.

"She's gonna have to put you through the wringer," she said. "She's real fond of Sandy, if you haven't noticed. Not in a romantic kind of way, but like a little brother, you know? She's going to flip if you make any sort of move."

"It's not…like that," I said carefully. "We're just…well, I don't know."

Sandy was walking over to us. He had a small frown on his face, clearly having overheard our conversation. Brielle gave a low laugh at Sandy's expression of, _Just what is that supposed to mean?!_

"I'm just saying what we agreed on, right?" I raised my hands in defense. "That we would try a relationship with each other! I mean, I really do like you but Brielle's over here talking about 'making moves' and things…"

"Oh god, this IS a pair," Brielle laughed. "Now I'm imagining it! Oh my god~!" she stumbled back to the counter, laughing to herself while Sandy, who had begun to catch on to Brielle's innuendo, and I turned red in the face. At the counter, Brielle finally gathered herself and looked back at us.

"So, you guys still want something?"

* * *

 **Good ol' Brielle! Yep, we'll be seeing more of her and the swim team girls. I'm trying to get these chapters to a good length again, and I'm also working on some new fics to put up, currently a horror story just in time for Halloween. Please leave what you thought in a review, and thanks for reading!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello everybody! Sorry I'm a little late in the day with this one. How's everyone doing? A hurricane has been hitting my side of the United States :( been raining nonstop… But anyway, please enjoy the chapter~! Nothing gets very risqué here, but there are a couple of suggestive conversations, I guess.**

* * *

I wasn't exactly angry with Brielle, but I was incredibly flustered even after Sandy got over it. We ended up ordering coffee and sandwiches, but while Sandy listened politely to Brielle's small talk, I chewed unhappily on my bread.

"So you two are trying out a relationship. That's interesting. Kinda cute!" Brielle said. "Makes it even better since you two are roommates, huh?"

Sandy nodded bashfully at her. Brielle looked over at me, and I sent a glare right back. She laughed.

"Aw, don't get so hung up over it. Your time will come."

"And what, dare I ask, is that supposed to mean?"

"It means what it means, y'know? Two young guys, alone together in a college dorm room…goodness knows what'll happen when spring break rolls around!"

"I-it is NOTHING like that!" I protested. Brielle was really irritating me. She didn't know Sandy. There was no way we'd reach such indecent acts! Sandy was far too innocent, and I'd never, EVER try something on him. She doesn't know us like that.

 _ **Do**_ **you** _ **, though?**_

I sighed. My food was almost finished anyway, so I put it down and crossed my arms. Sandy looked over at me, making that concerned face again. I sighed.

"It's nothing, sorry."

"Wha? Huh?" Brielle looked back and forth between us. "Can you communicate through eye contact already?"

"Is that strange?" I huffed at her. "Sandy's expressive, so what?"

 _Pitch is pretty expressive, too! (owo)_ I looked down at the message in confusion. Sandy was puffing his cheeks out at me in a strangely cute, smug expression.

"What are you talking about?"

 _U r SO readable Pitch!_

"What are you talking about?" I picked up my coffee. "I am NOT readable."

I gulped down my drink while Brielle and Sandy chuckled at me.

It began to rain by the time we'd gotten to the bus stop. Sandy was flicking through something on his phone, so I looked around at the drizzle-sprinkled city. The pavement was growing darker with every drop. The heavy smell of rain in the air was clean, calming.

My phone buzzed.

 _Do u think I'm super innocent?_

I looked over at Sandy, alarmed.

"What do you mean by that?"

 _Am I childish? Do I act too childish?_

"What? No, I suppose not." I said. "I mean…you like stuff that not many adults seem to like. But…wait no, that's not true."

 _I get it. You like what you like, right?_

"Right."

 _I am 18, I guess_

"…Sandy, did Brielle get to you with that?" I made a face at him, and he looked away from me, embarrassed. "Don't listen to her. We don't have to do anything…like _that_."

 _Would you want to?_

I was silent. My thoughts flew around in my head. Very carefully, I picked out my words.

"I do think that you're attractive, Sandy. But I've never thought of you in a vulgar way."

 _Do you think you would?_

"What's with you?" I frowned. "We don't have to be like that. I mean…to you _want_ us to do those things?"

 _Nvm_

The curt response was troubling. I tried to get a look at Sandy's face, but he was facing away from me. Now I was frustrated. I tugged on his arm and turned him around.

"Hey."

He was trying not to look up at me. I pulled his chin up and kissed him softly. He didn't kiss back, but he pulled away and smiled sheepishly. He typed something on his phone again.

 _Srry. Not good relationships still._

"Well neither am I," my voice was almost lilting with incredulous laughter. "I thought we established that."

Sandy finally cracked a bigger smile, and I felt relieved.

The bus came only one minute late.

* * *

 **I dunno what I was going for with that ending. Artsy, feelsy-type description I guess? Please leave a review with what you thought! I'm grateful for each one I get. Thanks for reading~!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hello again everyone! So, I've been tired lately. School's catching up to me. Ugh. But I must press on! Please enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

The University was full of its weekend share of parties. I could hear music coming from somewhere in our dorm, but Sandy and I were content to stay in our room and read, snack, and play games. Not that parties couldn't be fun, as I'm sure they were, but I had too many bad experiences that I'd rather forget.

Sandy had a lollipop sticking out of his mouth. He was glaring in concentration at his laptop screen, moving a pen across a thin drawing tablet. I watched him lazily from my bed, a book dangling from my hand. After a moment, Sandy looked up and smiled.

My phone buzzed.

 _ **Missin u at William Tallest**_

 _ **Why didn't u come?**_

I promptly deleted the texts. Sandy's gaze took on a look of curiosity, and I shook my head. My phone buzzed again. Though I dreaded it, I looked at the new text message.

 _ **U heard about it rite?**_

 _ **Did I 4get 2 tell u?**_

I deleted both messages, beginning to feel sick to my stomach. Barely a minute passed by before I got another one.

 _ **Pulled out some good booze**_

 _ **Come have a cup or 5?**_

 _ **Does ur boyfriend drink?**_

I shut my phone off and threw it to the foot of my bed, where it skidded off and onto the floor. I was breathing heavily and trying to keep from sobbing. Sandy was by my side in an instant, patting my back and trying to help me breathe. I looked up; he was blurry through the tears in my eyes.

"Sorry…" I cleared my throat and tried again. "Sorry. It's nothing."

Sandy shook his head and wrapped his arms around me. He kissed my cheek. I wiped my eyes and my vision returned to normal.

"Um…can I see what you were drawing?"

Sandy smiled gently at me. I could tell he wanted to inquire, get to the bottom of what happened, but we both knew that changing the subject was probably the best thing. He went back to his laptop and turned it around. There was line art of a manta ray swimming in the ocean.

"You really like sea animals, don't you?" Sandy nodded, opened a word document, and typed out a reply.

 _Ever since I went to a conservation center. They were nursing dolphins back to health and I got to volunteer there._

"Sounds fun."

 _It was really fun. Dolphins are really cute and smart!_

 _Hey, do you wanna watch a movie or something? I have Netflix streaming._

"What do you have in mind?" At this question, Sandy pulled a sheepish expression before typing again.

 _What do you want to watch?_

"Do you like scary movies?"

I saw him cringe. I sighed.

"I'll take that as a no. Seriously, you can pick one out."

 _Do you like animated movies?_

"What kind?"

 _Like, Studio Ghibli I guess._

"Well, alright. Sure." Sandy's shoulders relaxed. I nearly scoffed, but smothered the sound with a question. "What, what's wrong?"

Sandy's fingers twitched, but he paused and typed out: _It's nothing. Let's watch Princess Mononoke~_

Even though I didn't like sweets that much, Sandy tried to share anything he thought I would enjoy from his bag of snacks. We were up until 11:00 watching the movie, and then we both went to the bathrooms to get ready for bed. No-one was there when we entered, and from the sounds down the hall hardly anyone would make it there, even if the RA dispersed them.

Warm water felt so calming on my skin. As I washed I took note of how pale I was. My skin was a very light shade that almost seemed faded, like a gray, I thought. It looked ghostly against the white tile of the shower. Looking up, I could catch just a glimpse of steam rising from Sandy's shower. I thought of him, his skin against mine when we held hands and hugged and kissed. His healthy tan against my paleness. I thought of how warm he was, how comforting he felt.

 _You've lost, Pitch. Admit it._

 _You really are in love, aren't you?_

" _Written in graffiti on a bridge in a park  
Do you ever get the feeling that you're missing the mark?  
It's so cold, it's so cold  
It's so cold, it's so cold…"_

I didn't bother stopping myself. No-one was there anymore.

" _Written up in marker on a factory sign  
I struggle with the feeling that my life isn't mine  
It's so cold, it's so cold  
It's so cold, it's so cold_

 _See the arrow that they shot trying to tear us apart  
Take the fire from my belly and the beat from my heart  
Still I won't let go, oh  
Still I won't let go_

 _Oh you use your heart as a weapon  
and it hurts like heaven…"_

I left the shower after several minutes. Toweling off and putting on my pajamas, I was met with Sandy, whose eyes might as well have been sparkling at me. He clapped enthusiastically and then took hold of my hands, lifting them up and down in a hyper sort of jig. My face burst into a blush, but I waited for him to stop before saying anything.

"I-it's really nothing," I stammered. "I got too relaxed…sorry."

Sandy looked horrified. He quickly shook his head and gestured to me again, clearly trying to say something meaningful. Finally he pouted in frustration and tugged me all the way back to our room. He typed a message on his laptop.

 _You sing really well! I like you sound even more now!_

"You like how I…sound?"

 _YES. You shouldn't take that for granted, you know._

And suddenly I felt like the biggest asshole on the planet.

"Oh, Sandy, I'm sorry," I said, swinging my night bag down in frustration. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean anything by it, I just…in the past, I…"

 _If it hurts, don't talk about it now._ He typed. _It's late. Let's go to bed happy, okay? And we can have more fun tomorrow. How about going into town again? Or just sleeping in? Yeah, sleeping in sounds much better._

"…Whatever you want," I shrugged. Sandy puffed his cheeks out; he was pouting adorably.

 _One of these days we have to do what YOU want to do. We'll figure it out tomorrow, okay? Night~!_

"Oh, must you be so…" I caught myself before the word dared pass my lips. Sandy looked at me curiously, but I shook my head and turned to my bed. "Nothing. Nevermind. Goodnight."

I got turned back around quickly and felt Sandy pull me down. He broke the kiss after a moment and went to turn off the lights before getting into bed.

* * *

 **Chapter over for today! I hope you all liked it. I don't know how long it's going to go on for, but it's really just getting started. Who knows, maybe it'll go on forever! No but seriously, I don't know when I'll end it. I have a few other stories I want to put up but I've got some things to sort out before I do.**

 **Please leave a review, someone. No one has reviewed in a long time. I miss them. But I'm still glad if anyone is still reading this story~!**


	20. Notice

**Hello everyone. So, some things are going on this week and as a result I do not have the time to update on my regular schedule. Fear not! I will resume the regular Wednesday-Saturday rotation by October 21 at the earliest. Thanks to everyone reading this story, and I'll see you in about a week~!**

 **-Ayevi**


	21. Chapter 20

**Hello again! I'm officially seventeen now, whoo!**

 **We're really at chapter 20, everybody! This is amazing! And you can bet that this story will go on for a good while (at least I think it will, what with this day-by-day pace) But I will do my absolute best to make it super interesting! For now, let's go!**

* * *

Sleeping in felt like bliss. I didn't wake up to any alarm, and only when the sun rose high did I stretch my arms and fumble out of bed. Sandy was still asleep, once again sprawled out with his blanket kicked off. He never failed to keep that air of cuteness, whether he was happy or serious or, in this case, unconscious. I watched his chest rise and fall peacefully, studied the way his eyelids twitched. He was undoubtedly having a nice dream.

When I came back from the bathroom, Sandy was playing his Nintendo. He looked up at me, smiled, and waved cheerfully. I felt myself smile back.

"Morning. What should we do today?"

 _Let's go take a walk!_

"A walk? Wherever to?" I looked curiously at the message on his phone. Sandy flashed a clever smile.

 _Let's go to the art building after breakfast :3c_

"The art building?"

 _I wanna go! Can we?_

"Um…the thing is, I didn't sign up to use it today. Sorry." I frowned at his disappointed expression. "Well, tell you what. We can do something here. I still have a sketchbook and surely some watercolors somewhere."

Sandy immediately brightened. His smile turned bashful, however, when a soft grumble sounded from his belly.

"Yeah, how about breakfast first?"

It was already hot outside. I shielded my eyes from the sun as we walked toward the main building. Sandy didn't seem to mind it at all, smiling happily despite squinted eyes. His hair was bright and shimmering, almost like spun gold. I blushed as I found myself staring at him.

 _Such a fool you are._

 _What a lovesick puppy._

I found myself smiling at these thoughts.

Thalia found us before we could sit down. She stomped over to us with an exaggerated pout on her face. The moment she reached me, she gave my ear a sharp tug.

"Ow! What in hell?!" I desperately tried to still my hand and keep my coffee from spilling. Thalia scoffed crossed her arms.

"That's what I should be saying! First you two are friends and suddenly you're a couple?!"

"W-why are you shouting?" I cringed, looking around to see if she'd drawn any attention. After assuring that Sandy was the only one truly interested in our conversation, I turned back to her. "Why are you so riled?"

"You know why!" her voice was softer, but still held a hostile sting. "Are you two seriously dating within DAYS of meeting each other?"

"We're just…we're trying out this relationship because of mutual feelings," replied slowly. "Everyone's so wound up! Did Brielle tell you?"

"Yes, she did." Thalia said brusquely. "And I'd watch myself if I were you, mister! No funny business!"

"WHAT is everyone on about?!" I rolled my eyes and stalked to an empty table with a small plate of fruit. "I'm not some creep; quit acting like I'm going to try and hurt him somehow!"

Sandy's hand touched my arm. I looked up at him, cursing the mist in my eyes. Sandy turned around and glared at Thalia, who looked more confused than anything. She sat down, and awkward silence hung over all of us for several minutes. I only managed to choke down a few grapes before gulping down my coffee and declaring myself full. I left the table and hurried off.

 _ **You've overreacted again.**_

 _ **Such a wimp; why don't you grow up?**_

 _ **You're just throwing a temper tantrum. There's no way Sandy will care for this. What a waste of his concern.**_

"Dammit…" I sank deeper into a library armchair. My eyes had dried and my heart had stilled, but I could still feel dread in the pit of my stomach. Then, loudly enough to pierce the heavy silence around me, my phone buzzed.

 _Pitch. I'm sorry about this_

 _Thalia was in the wrong here_

 _She's trying to protect me but she had no reason to snap at you_

 _Can we talk?_

I flicked between each text, thoroughly lost on how to reply. I wondered if Sandy was still at breakfast, or if he was out looking for me. Perhaps he would come here, or out behind the English building where I'd been the first time I'd childishly run away from my issues. My phone buzzed again.

 _Please? I'll be at the dorm_

I closed the message box and slid my phone into my pocket. I looked up at the blandly-colored ceiling and sighed.

Sandy was tapping his feet anxiously against the floor of the bedroom. He stood up when he noticed I'd came in, a worried frown on his face. I didn't like seeing it there at all.

"Hey."

 _I'm so sorry, Pitch. It was unfair of Thalia to do that to you. I know you'd never hurt me or anything. She's being protective because of some things that happened in the past. But I really feel like you wouldn't hurt me. Dunno why, but I do._ He looked at me nervously as I read over the paper.

"So…something happened to you and someone hurt you?" I looked back to Sandy. He nodded slowly, twiddling his thumbs. "And Thalia wants to make sure it doesn't happen again. It makes sense. But I swear I wouldn't do anything like that! I…" Frowning, I let the paper drift to the bed. "I know what it feels like to get hurt in a relationship…but of course she doesn't know that."

Sandy's hand closed around mine. I looked into his earnest brown eyes and shook my head.

"Neither of us really gave any details, did we?" Sandy shook his head while I smiled dryly. "Figures that both of us have some sort of trauma. But you know what? I'm tired of this."

 _What on Earth are you doing?_

"So…for the sake of things…"

 _You're not._

"I mean, for the sake of understanding each other…"

 _ **You're not.**_

"Shouldn't we tell the whole truth?"

* * *

 **Cliffs, we hang from them! Yes, It's all gonna come out in these next few chapters, I think. And it's gonna be big! Get your handkerchiefs ready for feels!**


	22. Chapter 21

**Phew! Sorry disappearing off the face of the earth, everyone. Lots of stuff has been happening, and things aren't the best right now, plus I'm unsure about debuting the other stories I've been working on. But enough about that, it's time for some fanfic drama! Hope you like it~ this chapter is the first of…two, I think? Two sort-of flashback chapters that accompany their stories. These chapters will rely on memories and dialogue instead of plain description, so I apologize if it gets hard to tell who's speaking! There is some strong language as well as some suggestive language, and I'll also put a trigger warning for bullying/abuse for this chapter.**

* * *

"So…I guess I'll start."

" _ **Excellent performance, Kosmotis!"**_

" _ **There's no doubt you'll earn that scholarship."**_

" _ **You're going places, kid!"**_

" _ **Oh, and he's just a gem around the house. Stays on top of his schoolwork, too!"**_

" _ **Such a good boy."**_

"I guess you could say I was a model student. High school was full of AP classes and ROTC practice. I stayed ahead and did whatever was asked of me, you know?"

" _ **Oh my gosh, he's coming this way!"**_

" _ **Are you gonna ask him?"**_

" _ **No, I can't, I'll freakin' DIE!"**_

"I didn't have many friends, really. Pretty sad. But it is hard to bring others close when you're that focused on being perfect."

" _ **Kosmotis, your English grade is dropping. Is there a reason for this?"**_

" _ **Report cards will be home soon. I expect to see those straight A's again."**_

" _ **Kosmotis, have you submitted your applications yet? You know when they're due."**_

" _ **Kosmotis, put away those lyrics and finish your work! That scholarship will be given to a scholar, not a songwriter."**_

"You know that music isn't my LIFE thing, right? It's just my hobby. Well, WAS just my hobby. I liked to sing…with no-one around. And I liked to write poems and songs."

"And that was my life for most of high school. It wasn't until I met Ferin that things just…nosedived."

" _ **Why do you let them push you around?"**_

" _ **Well, you sure don't look happy to be so successful."**_

" _ **Ooh, gettin' gutsy, are we? And here I thought you were just a perfect little toy soldier."**_

" _ **You're middle name's Pitchiner, huh? Mind if I call ya Pitch? It sounds cool…Pitch Black."**_

"It was like, every middle class mum's nightmare. Her perfect boy starts hanging out with some 'toxic', rotten hoodlum and suddenly wants to throw everything away for him."

"But of course, my mother was convinced that it was a phase, or some sort of rebellion against all of life's expectations. You know how most parents will bargain or find middle ground? That didn't happen."

" _ **Kosmotis, I don't want you to see that boy again. Do I make myself clear?"**_

" _ **Your grades are slipping again. How do you expect to earn the scholarships like this?"**_

" _ **Kosmotis Black, you are NOT leaving this house to go fraternize with those hooligans!"**_

" _ **Do you want your phone taken, too? Have you given up on seeing your computer again?"**_

" _ **Kosmotis, believe me. It's a phase and you'll be back to normal when you stop all this nonsense!"**_

"She scolded me, yelled at me. My dad grounded me and locked up my laptop. I felt so estranged that when Ferin began making passes, I just…fell into it, I guess. He was the only one there to fall into when my parents lost their patience with me. But…he wasn't like what I thought. He just…he was _off_."

" _ **I'm going out with some friends, Pitch. You gonna ditch your family time?"**_

" _ **Don't worry about it. Ain't nobody gonna tell~"**_

"Before I knew it, I was in far more trouble than I'd thought it worth."

" _ **Damn, Pitch, I didn't know you could sing! You're so good to listen to."**_

" _ **I wonder what other sounds you can make…how 'bout it, babe?"**_

" _ **Aw, fuck yes! Why didn't we do last night sooner?"**_

" _ **Why don't you sing for me again? You know I love your voice."**_

" _ **Kosmotis, you WILL sit down and you WILL explain this. How did this happen? You were the top of the unit!"**_

" _ **Kosmotis, we do NOT slam doors in this house; you get back down here while your father speaks to you!"**_

" _ **What's wrong? Need a drink? I know, rough week for all of us."**_

" _ **This weekend's gonna be NUTS, man! You gotta come with us."**_

" _ **Kosmotis, you are FORBIDDEN to leave this house outside of going to school!"**_

" _ **You brought this upon yourself."**_

" _ **All that we've done for you and this is how you repay us?"**_

" _ **You're coming, right?"**_

" _ **I can get you out of there."**_

"Sniffle…th-thanks. Sorry, can- can I stop for a second? Sorry…"

"Okay…y-yeah, I think so…I'm okay. I'm okay."

"He wanted a lot from me, and I was willing to give, but it just made everything worse. I didn't feel comfortable with him. I was making myself fit into his life, and my parents just kept insisting that it was some stupid rebellion. And then…then I just got angry. At a lot of things, I guess. I got myself kicked out of ROTC because my grades were dropping and I had a poor attitude about everything. I got in a couple fights, too. But in the end I disappointed everyone to go with Ferin."

" _ **Yeah, it ain't that far away. We'll head out Friday night."**_

" _ **It's about to get wild, come on!"**_

" _ **Look at 'im, he's fuckin' wasted!"**_

" _ **You drank the beers but you're too pussy to try a smoke, eh?"**_

" _ **Aw, I'm sure he'll try it soon enough."**_

" _ **He'll try it if he wants to keep hanging with us."**_

" _ **I don't know, he don't look so good. Aw, what's wrong,**_ **Pitch** _ **? You gettin' sick?"**_

" _ **You don't wanna go home now, do ya? C'mon, why don't we go back to the hotel?"**_

"And in the end, I…"

" _ **Aw,**_ **Pitch** _ **, what're ya cryin' for? Thinkin' about your folks again?"**_

" _ **C'mon, forget about them for five minutes, will you?"**_

" _ **Why the hell do you always do this? Shut up! Stop whining!"**_

" _ **I said SHUT UP!"**_

"Sandy, I…I'm not that old, but I have never met a person more horrible. Ferin, he…I don't want to force the details on you. Huh…? No, i-it's just…it's just that he…the things that he…did…"

" _ **You done crying yet?"**_

" _ **Oh, hush. It didn't hurt that bad."**_

" _ **Now, now,**_ **Pitch** _ **, don't cry. Want me to kiss it better again? Haha…"**_

" _ **I know, sing me a song. Singing makes you feel good, right?"**_

"S-sorry…ugh…I just k-keep remembering…and I…w-when I do, I…I feel like I can't breathe…s-sorry…"

"Sorry…"

* * *

 **And here's my own sorry to all of you. I'm coming back to this story, and I think that I'm going to expand my other story** _ **Temperate Relations**_ **, because I got a very nice review from a reader who wanted to know more about Julius :3 and it'd be fun! Mind, updates for this story might still go slow as school weighs down on me. But I won't give up! Thanks so much to all you guys!**


	23. Chapter 22

**Good day once again! I meant to post this WAY earlier…my apologies for the lateness ;_;**

 **Here we go with Sandy's story. More drama for everyone…!**

* * *

 _It's not your fault, Pitch. It's okay. Even after all that he did to you, you're brave to face each day like this._

 _So you want to hear about me now? Sure. Though I don't think there's much to tell. I grew up in a suburb, my mom was single, and…she'd revealed that I was adopted. I kind of feel like that's when everything started going downhill._

" _ **Well, baby, your birth mom made…a few mistakes with her life."**_

" _ **No, of course not. When I tell you that she was just as kind, and sweet, and loving…"**_

" _ **She knew that what she had was no good for you. That's why she checked on you so desperately when you were small."**_

 _Even though she was the reason for my voice being gone…my birth mom cared about me dearly. That's what mom always said. But I never stopped wondering, you know? How much of it she could really help. I wish I could remember her, but nowadays I can hardly picture her face._

 _School wasn't impossible for me, but it definitely wasn't the best of times. I kept my pace with everyone else, but couldn't answer questions or do much after school stuff._

" _ **What the heck? It's not fair that he doesn't have to do one!"**_

" _ **You can't do an oral report if you can't speak, dummy!"**_

" _ **It's still not fair. I bet he's gonna get an A out of sympathy."**_

 _It really wasn't a big problem, but there were small things, you know? I got left out of a lot of decisions, and of course not many conversations. Hardly anyone bothered to talk to me much, other than passing greetings or questions about my condition. No one tried to be a jerk on purpose, but…I got a bit lonely._

 _Then I saw an opening for swim team manager. I thought, you know, maybe it'll work out as more than a job for résumé material._

" _ **Ooh, he's adorable! Is he a freshman?"**_

" _ **What, don't you know him? That's Sandy; he's in our grade!"**_

" _ **Oh yeah, he's got that…what is it again? Is there a name for it?"**_

" _ **Should we ask?"**_

" _ **Something like that would make it hard to be a manager, wouldn't it?"**_

" _ **Shush, he's coming over!"**_

 _That was when I met Thalia and a couple of her friends that go here now. They sort of flocked me for the first couple of weeks, but calmed down after that. Thalia stuck by me the most out of everyone in the whole school._

 _Second semester of 11_ _th_ _grade was when I started figuring myself out._

" _ **Huh...? Oh, him? He's new here, just transferred."**_

" _ **Whaaat? You wanna work with him instead of me? How could you, Sandy?!"**_

" _ **Why don't you ask? You've been staring at him for a while now."**_

" _ **So what did you call me down here for? Got some life-changing gossip? Hehe…"**_

" _ **Wh- you like him THAT way?!"**_

 _See, I thought I had just liked girls until I met this guy. I'll just call him D. And I had been going out with a girl until November of that school year, so let's call her K._

" _ **Ugh, what the hell? He's after a guy after what he did to you?"**_

" _ **Can you believe this?"**_

" _ **What was wrong with K, huh? I bet she was just your plaything the whole time."**_

" _ **Hey, back off! Sandy didn't do anything wrong!"**_

" _ **Shut up. He's fooling you with that stupid cutesy front."**_

 _K was…not very good to me. Remember when I was talking about people who just take all the time? I really felt like an arm trophy for her. Like, how sometimes people will use others to make themselves look so sweet and kind?_

 _I thought I was doing something right, but it wasn't enough. And even though Thalia and D tried to defend me, they just got shot down for it._

" _ **Don't listen to them, Sandy. I know it wasn't you."**_

" _ **I can't believe I was ever friends with her. Don't worry, you're so much better than them."**_

" _ **Don't let their petty lies get to you, Sandy!"**_

 _Three against five isn't the best of matches, especially when the five-group sticks so close together. K's friends hung on to every word she said against me. They just didn't try to be reasonable. So much could have been avoided._

 _I never understood why they were out to destroy me. Maybe their bitterness just grew with each passing encounter. Since no-one else really talked to me, other people were their source of info on my personality._

 _I'm sure you can imagine how that turned out._

" _ **Are you seriously keeping up that innocent little face?"**_

" _ **I just don't know…I don't think so, but…"**_

" _ **Isn't he in eleventh grade? He looks like a baby."**_

" _ **It is kind of weird, isn't it? He's probably faking."**_

" _ **Hey, Sandy, do…you want to come back to the team? K's off so it won't be so bad…you were a really good manager. Coach wants you back, too."**_

 _D was getting so worn down from gossip and rumors. I never should have trusted him just for his looks, his initial actions. I thought he was kind, and I still do, but everyone else was too much the opposite._

" _ **Yeah, I mean it. Sorry."**_

" _ **No, that's not it, but…"**_

" _ **Why don't you say something then?!"**_

" _ **Are you seriously going to let them do this to you?"**_

" _ **I can't be with someone like that."**_

 _It really hurt. Like a whole lot._

 _I made up my mind then. If this was where relationships got me, it wasn't worth it. I wasn't going to put myself out there for other people to use me and drag me through the mud afterward._

 _..._

 _..._

 _So now I'm here. Sorry for the tears; it's gotten kind of hard to be so emotionless these past couple days._

 _Yeah, I'm okay. I think it's changing for the better, you know? A little bit._

 _(\\(^3^)/) ~ 3_

* * *

 **Please forgive me for falling off the face of the earth! I have had SO MUCH happen to me…life is kind of tough right now, but I did get accepted into college! Just hoping for some bigger scholarships ;_; I'm rich in friends and family, but money is quite scarce…**

 **That aside, I hope everyone else's 2016 is going smoothly. Best wishes as we enter spring!**


	24. Stories Being Updated

**Hello everyone! I know it's been a long while. This is a notice that I am currently updating my stories and replacing them with slightly altered chapters. I really just changed minor details so far in Temperate Relations, but "Alternatives" is being completely rewritten. I will post a new chapter again once all the changes are finished, so that you can read again if you are interested. Thank you to everyone who was so patient with me!**


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